


Some Girls

by Babygirl_Francesca



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, BDSM, Crossdressing Kink, Dom/sub, Fluff and Angst, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Masochism, Mild Blood, Painplay, Past Abuse, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Shy Steve Rogers, but not all dark, dark themes, no rape!!!, pillow princess steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 14:53:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19275571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babygirl_Francesca/pseuds/Babygirl_Francesca
Summary: Steve is a young and promising cellist who's had a terrible childhood. He's petrified with an inability to make decisions for himself, and scared of his own sexuality. Tony's a private practice neurosurgeon who's immediately taken by Steve, but Tony's forwardness and deviancy may be too much for Steve.





	1. Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> au stuff:  
> -i made up everything about the new york philharmonic that steve is in  
> -there's a lot of musical stuff in this chapter, don't worry you don't need to be a musician to read this 
> 
> i'm always open to ideas and suggestions!

"Listen up Rogers, I can see it now," Bucky put his arm around Steve's shoulder and held his other hand out in front of them as if displaying their future. "You and me leave the NY, we start our  _own_ Philharmonic, called the Bucky International Philharmonic. I'm starting it, I get naming rights.  _You_ are first chair cellist of the BIP, no auditions, you just get the part. We steal Peter, symphonies always need one prodigy. We coerce Thor into joining, no violinist after fifth chair is actually human, so Thor is our best bet. Clint is not invited. I make a power-move, career-making switch from Cello to bass. We become famous and make millions of dollars." Bucky continued by making fake cheering noises and throwing invisible roses onto an invisible stage.

"Wow, you're quite the visionary Buck. The BIP is really going to go places as a philharmonic with five members and no woodwinds." Steve rolled his eyes and picked his cello up by the smooth metal handle, his fingers fitting into the well-worn grooves. He'd had the same instrument since he was twenty, so it was just about four years old.

Bucky shrugged his soft-cased cello on his back like a school bag and tightened the straps so it was flush against him. "I can whistle pretty well and Pete still has a voice like a delicate little flute."

Steve let out a long laugh, stopped himself, and then laughed again.

"You wanna go out for a drink before the 'event' tonight?" Bucky asked, using air-quotes and dripping sarcasm around the word 'event.' It was a black-tie charity gala for leukemia research where billionaires would donate thousands of dollars and then look down on Steve for not being able to do the same. Shit like this happened every few months, and ever since Clint had started dating some sort of local celebrity they'd been extended invitations as his friends and 'distinguished musicians' as the lingo often said. A load of piss really, he and Buck had no business being there, but it was fun enough to watch Bucky fuck with the high and mighty. Steve usually stuck to the sides and ate ridiculously expensive food while getting casually champagne drunk.

"I'm actually going to head to the studio for a bit." He said as they finally made their way out of the empty concert hall. They always waited until the last minute to get packed up just to avoid the rush of people. The foyer was basically empty when they walked through, and then onto the busy streets of New York proper.

"Again? You know when we went in on that place I envisioned more late night partying going on their than  _actual_ practicing." Bucky complained. The  _Studio_ as they called it was actually just a ridiculously expensive, ridiculously tiny, soundproof apartment that they'd found uptown near a bunch of bourgeoisie private medical practices. He, Thor, Clint, and Bucky had all gone in on it as it had three different soundproofs rooms. It had cost them upwards of a million dollars, but they weren't going to find anywhere better. They let Peter use it for free, just because he was a nice kid who didn't make the money they did as he couldn't make it to most practices because he was still in fucking high school. Steve supposed he couldn't really complain about young talent usurping the old money as he and Bucky were both younger and there were plenty of older, more experienced musicians who sat behind him- but the phil was literally just an after school activity for Peter who didn't even ask to be paid for his time and was so mind-blowingly good that he was immediately promoted to first chair, much to the great upset of the previous first chair who was sixty and only recently gotten the promotion.

The world of orchestra chairing was a niche one though.

"And you can throw a party in the other room while I cry and play all 24 caprice's." Steve shrugged. They would walk together for a while before Bucky headed off to their shared apartment and Steve up the few blocks to their studio. Technically, they didn't need to share an apartment. They made a decent income from performing. They worked full time in the concert season and then offered lucrative private lessons during the off-season. The only problem with their salaries was that they couldn't afford someplace near the hall and their studio on their personal income, so living together was just a better option. Clint had often crashed at theirs before he got his girlfriend anyway. Steve did kind of wish that he had more privacy in his life, he was constantly worried that Bucky was just going to walk into his room or something. He hadn't been afforded any privacy when he was growing up, which had left a lot of scars on his pshyche.

"Rogers listen to me, the chairing audition is in two weeks, you will  _never_ out chair Loki so your best chance is second chair and then what's even the point? Then you can't sit next to me  _and_ you have to sit next to Loki. Right now however, we could take twenty nickel shots for a dollar and then go to a fancy soiree absolutely plastered."

Steve actually thought for a moment, but then shook his head. "No, I'm going to out chair Loki, and then you're going to sit next to that weird chick who doesn't wash her hair." Steve said, resolutely.

"Jokes on you Roger's, I like my girls with a musk." Bucky joked with a comically loud sniff, then turned to cross the street.

* * *

"Well you sure look like you're in a bad mood." Bucky remarked when he finally found Steve in the crowd of arrivals. The gala was held in a high-end event center that could hold about fifteen hundred people. The men wore mostly tuxes, the women were more colorful. Steve was in his regular all black suit that had a black high-collared shirt under the jacket. Buck had always told him he looked good in black.

"Look at my hand." Steve held it up to Bucky to show him that his left hand was wrapped haphazardly in a tight bandage.

"Oh  _shit,_ what did you do?" Bucky asked, taking Steve's hand in his own and treating it as if it was the hope diamond. He turned Steve's hand over in his and cringed when he saw that his ring finger was more bent than the others. Bucky tried to pull it straight but Steve flinched and pulled his hand away.

"I broke a string and it whipped me." Steve mumbled.

"Hard enough to cause this much damage?"

"I don't know man, it started bleeding, I wrapped it up right, and now I can't straighten out my third finger."

"Oh fuck, dude you gotta go to the emergency room right now." Bucky warned, letting go of Steve's hand and leading him further into the room so as not to draw too much attention to themselves, since they'd just been standing by the doors and looking like they were conspiring.

Some old woman gave Bucky a nasty look for his language. "The  _emergency room?_ Are you kidding me? I'd be there all night and then pay them twenty thousand dollars for something that might just heal on its own."

"You never think long term do you? This isn't going to heal on its own Steve! You're never going to play a fucking caprice ever again if you can't straighten your third finger."

Clint appeared behind them with a flourish that they barely noticed, both so caught up in Steve's hand. Clint was dressed more lavishly than them, thanks to his girlfriend who looked a lot more tame than Clint. "Hey guys, enjoying yourselves? Also, I stopped by the studio on my way here and someone got blood all over your favorite room Steve." Clint said, happy-go-lucky as ever with his arm around Natasha.

"That was me." Steve held up his hand for Clint to see and his face visibly drained of color.

"Oh my god, you're going to die." Clint muttered and Natasha looked up at him with furrowed brows, unfamiliar with how dramatic the musical community could be.

"It's  _fine,_ I'm going to be  _fine._ " Steve tried to say, but their negativity was starting to get to him... And his hand really did hurt.

"Look like you severed or pulled an extensor tendon." Natasha remarked and Steve briefly forgot that she worked in the medical world before a pit formed in his stomach.

"Oh my god, you severed your tendon. You're never going to play again." Bucky lamented and Steve felt like he was going to throw up.

"Maybe I should go to the emergency room." Steve looked down at his hand again, there was a little bit of red starting to dot the bandages now. He just hadn't looked close enough at the wound to see how deep it was, just assumed it was surface level.

"Oh nonsense, Tony's around here somewhere, he can take a look at your hand. Clint why don't you wait here and I'll go find him." She suggested and then was gone before any of them could respond.

"Tony?" Steve questioned, taking a small break from looking at his hand in horror. He had no skills other than the cello, he couldn't get a minimum wage job, he would die. His parents would never accept him back into their house, not that he would ever want to go back there, and he would probably die on the streets, sad and alone with a ten thousand dollar cello.

"Works at the private practice Nat owns. I thought he was just a neurosurgeon, but who knows. Guy's fucking crazy." Clint explained and grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter sashayed past them. It always surprised Steve how overly-sexualized things were at these events. It wasn't like anyone was scantily clad, but the way the event staff walked around was seductive at best.

"Hey Steve, why didn't you at least fucking call one of us?" Bucky questioned and Steve simply shrugged helplessly.

"I didn't want to be a burden." He explained and grabbed his own glass of champagne, maybe that would take away from the dully throbbing pain in his hand.

"So you just wrapped up your damn war wound, walked to the apartment, got dressed, then walked here all because you didn't want to call us an cancel so we wouldn't think you're a bummer?" Bucky asked and Steve just shrugged again. He hadn't been allowed to do stuff like that as a child: complain. His parents had always told him to suck it up, which is why when he broke his right pinkie he had never gotten it fixed and so it stuck out a little from the rest of his fingers. Steve really hadn't been allowed to show any emotion while growing up other than just complacency. Whenever he got too happy his mother would tell him that he must be sinning, and when he got sad she told him that God was punishing him.

He downed his champagne very quickly and then Natasha was back with a man wearing a  _very_ expensive suit who looked to be a deal older than the rest of them. Not  _old_ just maybe in his late thirties or early forties. He immediately smiled at Steve, and Steve felt himself melt just a little.

"Nat mentioned something about a medical emergency." He questioned, raising one well-manicured eyebrow at the three of them. Steve held out his wrapped hand for Tony to take hold of. He felt kind of awkward standing around a bunch of fancy people, but no one was really paying any attention to them. They were in their own little bubble, just like all the other groups of conversation around them. Tony made a humming noise as he loosely began to unwrap Steve's bandage.

"Oh I wouldn't do that! It was bleeding a lot." Steve tried to rush out, but as if on cue a small drop of blood hit the floor. Tony rushed to grip Steve's hand, pressing his fingers against the wound and trying to hold it closed.

"Maybe you should join me in the restroom." Tony offered and Steve nodded as the man began to pull him through the crowds of people, holding Steve's hand tightly in one of his own. "Wanna tell me what you did?" Tony asked as they walked just slightly above a casual pace.

"Broke a string on my cello and it shot back and cut my hand." Steve admitted as Tony pushed the door to the bathroom open. It was, thankfully empty for now.

Tony pulled Steve's hand over the sink and then actually undid the bandage, making sure to gently set it on the edge of the sink so they could wrap it back up when they were done. A squirt of blood rushed from the cut as his heart beat and Steve felt his mouth dry slightly at the sight. Blood was... A problem for him. It made his heart race and sometimes he even passed out.

"Yep, you sliced a tendon. You're gonna need a surgery within the next few days if you want to regain normal control of your finger." Tony explained, washing the cut with lukewarm water. The blood was not flowing as fast anymore and Tony was able to rewrap it without much issue.

" _Surgery?!_ " Steve breathed out, panicked. "I can't afford that, neither can my career." He rushed out, feeling his heart start to flutter and his breathing get quicker.

Tony steadied Steve with a hand on either shoulder. "Hey, breathe, come on. If you get it done soon you can play again in a month and a half." Tony tried to reason but that just made Steve more upset. His audition was in  _two weeks._

"I don't even know if surgery's a fucking option." Steve muttered, mostly to himself.

Tony looked like he was deep in thought for a moment as he continued to take deep breaths with Steve who was finally beginning to get his breathing under control again. "I- shit, god fuck pretty boys." He mumbled, just barely audible for Steve to hear. "Come back to my clinic right now. I'll do the surgery pro fucking bono." Tony finally said and Steve paled.

"No, no, no, no, you can't do that! You don't even know me." Steve argued and Tony just grumbled and pulled Steve along by the forearm out of the bathroom.

"Come on, don't argue too much or I might rethink my decision." Tony warned and Steve shut his mouth even as his mind raced. He couldn't just accept multi-thousand dollar surgery from a doctor he'd never met before.  _What will I owe him in return?_ Steve thought to himself and felt a small shiver rack over his shoulders.  _No, Tony seems like a nice guy, he wouldn't do that._

Steve didn't catch sight of Bucky or Clint again as he was traipsed out of the event hall. A few people tried to stop Tony to talk with him, but he made up different excuses for each person, who then eyed Steve with a flawed knowing look. When they were finally outside Steve was able to take a deep breath in the dimming light.

"We're gonna have to walk, you good for that blue eyes?" Tony asked, easing up his grip on Steve's forearm. Steve reeled at the nick name for a moment before realizing that he'd never told Tony his name.

"I'll be fine, and, uh, it's Steve." He added.

Tony seemed to think on that for a minute. "I think I prefer blue eyes."

Steve blushed but didn't respond. They walked along for a moment longer. "Aren't you a neurosurgeon?" He asked, remembering what Clint had said.

"Worried I'll fuck up your hand even worse? Don't worry, when I was still a fellow the attending doctor I was working under had to go on leave for two weeks, so instead I was under an orthopedic surgeon who specialized in hands. I've never done this surgery before, but it can't be as hard as neurosurgery." Tony joked. The mans confidence made Steve feel oddly at ease, even though this was an absolutely bizarre situation. They didn't talk for a moment again and Tony was obviously put off by the silence, didn't like it, felt like he needed to fill the space. "So, you any good at the cello?"

"Third chair in the New York philharmonic." Steve responded easily and Tony raised both of his eyebrows, nodding.

"Isn't Nat's new piece a cello player or something?"

"Second chair bassist actually." Steve corrected and Tony nodded, but didn't really seem to care. Not that Steve minded, most people were content just to watch the symphony and not really know anything about it.

Tony's office was the one right next to their studio, that was how Clint and Natasha had ended up meeting, on the street outside the buildings. The practice looked more like a couple of townhouses fused together, and Tony unlocked the front door for them, turning around to lock it behind them. The inside was immaculate, a place that oozed money. There were hardwood floors and brushed steel fixtures. A laser cut sign read ' _Romanoff Neurology_ ' above the reception desk.

"Is Natasha the neurologist here?" He asked as he followed Tony through the hallways of the clinic. It was all very clean and sterile, not homey like some doctors offices. They finally got to the end of a long hall to a door that read ' _Surgery: Dr. A. Stark. MD_ ' that Tony also unlocked and let them in.

"No, her grandfather was the neurologist, she just has a business degree. Dr. Banner is our neurologist now." Tony explained. Past the door they were in what seemed like a whole different, much smaller building. There was an office to the side and then a surgery room and what seemed like a closet.

"You guys don't have overnight staff?" He questioned as he was led into the surgery room and made to sit on a bed in the center. The operating theater was fairly small, but everything was set up like it was ready for the next time Tony needed it.

"No need. We don't do outpatient here. Surgery happens and then they're ambulanced to Saint Teresa which is just two blocks up." Tony explained and turned all the lights on, bringing one in close to Steve's hand. Tony pulled over a rolling table which elevated Steve's hand so Tony could see it closer. The man pulled a pair of glasses out of his breast pocket and put them on. Tony became about twenty times as attractive with glasses on and Steve's breath caught momentarily in his chest. This wasn't really the time for him to be thinking about how hot his doctor is though. "You good with needles kid?" Tony asked, pulling open a drawer near him.

Steve nodded. "Yeah, I'm good with everything." Steve said and he didn't miss the way Tony looked at him after he said that.  _Most bizarre surgery ever,_ Steve reminded himself.

Tony licked his lips and then shook his head slightly. He unwrapped Steve's hand and then threw the biohazard waste away, pulling up a needle and injecting Steve with a local anesthetic. A bit of blood pooled up again and Steve took a deep breath, looking away. "Sorry, not good with blood." Steve admitted.

Tony stared at him for a moment. "Not good? Like it makes you sick?" He questioned and Steve wondered why,  _aren't a lot of people weird about blood?_

"Not sick, it just makes me feel weird. Maybe sick, I don't know. Why?"

"I, it's just you don't really look  _sick_." Tony emphasized the word and when Steve looked back he hadn't even noticed that Tony had set to work as he literally couldn't feel his whole arm.

"What do I look like?" Steve questioned, once again looking away from what Tony was doing.

He was silent for a moment. "Nothing, forget I said anything."

Steve didn't continue pressing the subject, but was intrigued by what Tony had meant by that.

The surgery seemed to go over quickly, Steve kept his eyes averted for most of it, and it couldn't have taken longer than thirty minutes for the whole thing. When Tony finally got his attention again it was already stitched up and looked pretty good. "Follow me back to my office, I gotta get you a brace and go over healing time with you." Tony said and Steve hopped up off of the bed. He wondered if Tony would have to stay late and clean up everything. There wasn't that much blood, but it probably couldn't sit for the weekend.

"How long do I have to wear the brace?" Steve questioned immediately.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, just breath for a minute." Tony chided and let them into his office. He motioned for Steve to take a seat on the couch and after only a moment of hesitation Tony took a seat next to him. Tony reached for Steve's hand and pointed out where the tendon had been severed and how long he would have to rest it for. Steve would have to take at least a month of medical leave from the symphony. There was barely two months left of concert season.

"God I'm so fucking stupid." Steve bemoaned his ill-fortune and stared down at his hand. Tony got up and searched through his cupboards until he found the brace he was looking for.

"You should be glad I even have one of these. I barely remember why." Tony explained and took a seat again, pulling Steve's hand into his lap and doing up the brace, showing him how to do it. After he was finished Tony didn't immediately let go of Steve's hand, he instead looked up at him. "Your hands gonna be fine kid, you shouldn't worry so much." Tony mumbled and Steve realized that the mans gaze was focused on his lips. Steve's eyes flicked down to Tony's own lips just as Tony licked them.

Barely a moment later Tony had a hand on Steve's cheek and was pulling him in for a kiss. Steve let himself be pulled in and eagerly reciprocated Tony's actions. He let Tony take the lead, melting into the feeling of the mans hand on his cheek, rubbing along his cheekbone and scratching his nails gently into Steve's jaw. Steve let out a small groan at the feeling of Tony's nails digging into him.

Steve repositioned them so that he was laying back on the couch and Tony was on top of him, in between his legs. "Damn pillow princess, you comfy?" Tony joked and leaned down to bite at Steve's jawline.

He turned red at the words and began to stammer. "N-no, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Hey!" Tony chided, shuffling down Steve's body a little so he could press open mouthed kisses to his upper chest. Steve rested his braced arm lightly on Tony's back. "Don't apologize, just lay back and let me take care of you." Tony assured but Steve didn't really much feel better.

He hadn't been with a lot of people in his life. His parents had made sexual acts out to be the worst form of depravity and Steve became very anxious whenever he was praised for things that he did, or really just talked about at all during sex. He tried not to let it get to him though.

Tony moved his hand down towards the bulge in Steve's pants, cupping his hand over it and giving it a soft squeeze, Steve pushed his hips forward to try and maintain friction. Tony pulled his hand away to haphazardly undo Steve's belt with just one hand, while also moving his lips back up to Steve's mouth. They met together for a sloppy kiss, their teeth clacked against one another and Steve felt a line of spit slide down his cheek, he didn't know if it was from him or Tony. Steve pushed his hips up into Tony's, rolling his still covered cock into Tony.

"I want to fuck you into this couch." Tony whispered in Steve's ear as he finally got the man's cock free from the slit in his briefs. Tony gave it a few leisurely pumps with his hand.

Steve felt his stomach tense at the words and he sucked in a breath at the shiver that went through him. Tony noticed the brief stutter in Steve's demeanor and furrowed his brows. "Sorry, is that okay?" Tony reiterated, cursing himself for not asking before, they were moving kind of fast and Steve seemed shy. He didn't seem unwilling or like he didn't want to, just shy, demure.

"I've never been on the bottom before." Steve admitted. Usually guys didn't even question with him, they just expected him to be on top and then Steve would kind of awkwardly fuck them in the missionary position. No guy ever stuck around long enough for them to try other things, and Steve was so uncomfortable when it came to experimenting sexually, his past boyfriends just got tired of trying to convince him to do other things.

"Oh shit, you just seemed so comfortable on your back." Tony said, the double entendre obvious in his voice as he continued to stroke Steve's cock, not letting their conversation ruin the mood. And it wasn't really, Steve was as hard as ever, his hips spasming up into Tony's hand even as he tried to keep them down on the couch. He could feel the cool relief of pecum dripping down his cock and cooling it slightly.

"I am! Please, I'm not good at..." Steve didn't know how to articulate his limitations so he just shook his head. "Please, just do what you want with me." He finally said which sent a shiver through his body and made his cock jump. A predatory look overcame Tony and he tightened his grip around Steve.

"Just tell me if you're uncomfortable, alright?" Tony asked and Steve nodded.

Tony unbuttoned Steve's shirt, slowly making his way down and leaving bite marks all the way down. When he got to the soft flesh on Steve's sides, Tony gave a slightly harder bite and Steve let out an ungodly moan. Tony perked up at the sound of that and had to momentarily stop his ministrations so he could take his own throbbing erection out. He was shimmied far down on Steve's body so he had to rut his cock against Steve's thigh, probably smearing his nice slacks with precum.

He nipped at Steve's side again, really the only spot on his whole torso where he was soft at all, the man was mostly muscle. Steve squeaked a little at the feeling and Tony licked his lips, pressing his cock harder against Steve's thigh and speeding up his hand on Steve's cock. They definitely weren't going to get around to any actual fucking tonight.

"You like that? You want me to bite you harder?" Tony goaded, looking up at Steve from under his lashes. Steve had a kind of unexpected response though, he covered his face with his hand and didn't respond at all. Tony stared at him for a second longer, but the question had been mostly rhetorical so he went ahead and bit that same spot again. This time he bit and sucked hard enough to leave a bruise, all while Steve furiously fucked up into Tony's hand but kept his face covered.

Tony wondered how much longer they were going to last. He'd been with a lot of people in his life, but none so pliant as Steve. Tony could tell the man was at least enjoying what they were doing, but he couldn't put his finger on what else was going on. Maybe he didn't like dirty talk? That was kind of a deal-breaker as Tony loved talking dirty. But Steve didn't seem to dislike anything, he just got more aroused and more reserved as time went by.

He let go of Steve's cock and moved back up so that he could rut himself against Steve, both of their members sliding against one another's, incredibly slick from both the heat of the room and their arousal.

Steve finally made a move, pulling Tony's mouth down on his. Tony put his hand back on Steve's cheek and this time dug his nails in  _hard_ just under Steve's jaw, the man writhed under him and let out a breathy hum at the feeling.

"Earlier," Tony mumbled into Steve's ear, taking another risk with the dirty talk. "When I said you didn't seem sickened by the sight of blood?" Tony said and Steve made an 'a-ha' sound but kept his eyes closed, blissed out. "You looked so turned-on, your pupils were blown, and you were red. You were  _aroused._ " Tony enunciated and bit at Steve's earlobe.

At the word ' _aroused_ ' Steve came, harder than he ever had before. Spilling all over himself and Tony even as his stomach filled with dread and embarrassment.

"God you fucking were, weren't you? Feel that mess you made you-" Steve cut Tony off by unceremoniously pushing away from him and desperately trying to get off the couch. He was sucking in each other his breaths like they were coming through a straw as he hurriedly tried to tuck himself back in his pants and button his shirt with only the half use of one of his hands.

"Hey! Steve are you okay?" Tony stood up too, putting his cock away and taking a step towards Steve who just took a step backwards.

"No, fuck, I'm  _not_ turned on by that. I'm  _not._ " He tried to reason out loud as he finally got a few of his shirt buttons done. He turned away from Tony and walked back out into the hallway of the medical center, leaving Tony in his office. He head felt jumbled and his body felt both hyper-active and incredibly lethargic since he'd just had an orgasm.

"Steve slow down! Just sit down for a second. I'm sorry for bringing it up, that was shitty of me." Tony admitted as he came out of his office, but he retained his distance from Steve. Tony couldn't really tell why he was being so calm and soothing with Steve. If any of his other sexual partners had gotten up and turned tail before he'd gotten off he would have been pissed but Steve just seemed so conflicted, upset with himself even.

"I don't want any of it. Not the-not the biting, I don't like that either. I don't like any of it, just-just normal." Steve was talking a mile a minute as he pressed himself up against the wall, slowly trying to get his breathing under control.

"Okay," Tony said, getting confused himself at this point. Steve very obviously  _did_ like all of that stuff, but Tony supposed he'd even been uncomfortable when he'd called him a 'pillow princess' and it's not like that was a particularly obscure thing. "That's fine, do you want to sit down for a second. I can help you button your shirt." Tony offered and Steve dropped his arms to his side so Tony took that as an invitation to do up the rest of his shirt. He was careful to touch Steve's skin as little as possible.

"I want to go home." Steve said when his shirt was finally done and Tony nodded.

"Can I walk you home? It's late." Tony asked but Steve shook his head.

"No, it's just a couple of blocks. I can walk myself."

Tony walked Steve to the door of the clinic, unlocking it for him. They stood on the front step awkwardly for a moment and Steve worried at his bottom lip.

"I'm uh, sorry about in there." Tony finally said, trying to break the incredibly awkward silence.

"I'm going to go home. Thank you for fixing my hand." Steve said and then he was down the steps and walking up the street as Tony watched on confused and more than a little sad to see him go.


	2. When the Whip Comes Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -some of the tags have changed and will probably continue to change, just be mindful of that  
> -it's obvious that steve's family is some sort of religious, please note i will never specify what sect etc, and i don't mean to specifically bash any religions  
> -also very fun fact, i made a pun because phil coulson is the conductor of the PHILharmonic. very funny, thank you.

"Come on Steve, we're going out for a drink!" Bucky called, snapping his fingers in front of Steve's face as he mechanically annotated sheet music that he couldn't even do anything with. It had been three days since his Friday night shenanigans with Tony and Steve had kept himself mostly locked up in his room. They didn't have a rehearsal some mondays, just clinics and individual rehearsals, they were all expected to put in practice time and Steve hadn't had the energy yet to tell their conductor what had happened so he'd simply called in sick for the day. Phil Coulson was their conductor, and he was a really nice guy, but he wasn't going to let Steve take a bunch of sick days very easily.

"It's three in the afternoon." Steve responded lacklusterly as he lazily circled as curled ' _f_ ' in his music with a worn down pencil.

"Perfect time of day really. You still have two hours to call the clinic and get your doctors note from Tony, we can stop by and pick it up on our way to the bar, and then it'll be like four-thirty and that's a great time for drinking." Bucky explained, learning over the kitchen island to level with Steve.

Tony's name made Steve freeze up for a moment. He had a dark mark right above his hip, a green bruise by now. Later on Friday night Steve had even been able to see the teeth marks etched into his skin. He had another reason to call Tony aside from the Doctor's note that he needed, but Steve hadn't been able to work up the courage for that.

There was something about Tony that had made him feel safe in that moment. Never before had Steve let anyone touch him like that, and he probably would have let Tony have his way if he hadn't kept bringing up all that... stuff.  _Lies,_ his mind immediately told him, but the anxiety he'd felt for the rest of the night, the throwing up that had happened when he remembered Tony's exact words, told him that maybe they weren't lies. Steve couldn't consider that though, he became immediately sick at the thought of being deviant, of being  _sexual_ in any way. Memories of his step-brother beating him into the ground as his mother looked the other way and his step-father simply said 'watch the hands' crept into Steve's mind. Memories that absolutely wrecked him.

But Steve had felt so unfulfilled in his previous relationships, like he had been missing something in all the previous ones. He'd lamented for days over how to accurately voice all of his apprehensions to Tony, how to get the man to go along with what he'd wanted. Steve didn't even know if Tony actually wanted to pursue a relationship with him, maybe he'd just been being nice because Steve had been so out of it. However, something about it had felt more real than that, and Steve supposed he would never know for sure if he didn't give it a chance.

"I'll... I'll call the clinic and walk over to get the note, but I'm really not feeling up to drinking, sorry Buck." He explained and though Bucky looked very disheartened, he nodded and would give Steve his space.

"Sure, yeah I'll tell the boys that you still aren't feeling well. Might even have been a little weird if you showed up to a bar crawl but were too 'ill' to attend practice." Bucky stood up straight and looked like he was going to walk away and grab his coat for a moment, but then he settled back down at the island and reached across it to grab Steve's good hand in both of his. "Listen Steve, I know you've got something on your mind, whether it's just the hand or it's something else, just know that I want you to feel better. You've never been one to talk about your emotions, but I'm always open man. I just don't want you to suffer alone through whatever this is."

Steve stared up at him for a moment and then squeezed Bucky's hands. "I know you're here for me Buck, I'm sorry I can be a little obstinate at times. Trust me, if things get too bad I'll be cracking open a bottle of taqui and telling you everything." He said, though realized as he said it that his words implied there was more going on to the situation than just his hand. Bucky seemed pleased that Steve had shared this and gave him one last smile before actual taking off.

And so he was left alone in the apartment with just his phone and one goal in mind.

He locked himself in his bedroom, he wasn't entirely sure why, and pulled his phone out, looking up  _Romanoff Neurology_ on google. There was a call button and Steve's thumb hovered over it for a moment before he finally pressed it, anxiousness flooding through his entire body.

The operator went through all of the usual things:  _'if this is a medical emergency please hang up and dial 9-1-1... if you would like to be connected with... please dial 1...'_ and so on. Steve didn't really know who he was looking for, so he simply clicked the button when it said for scheduling appointments, at least then he would be connected with a real person.

"Romanoff Neurology, this is Pepper, how can I help you?" A voice came over the phone and Steve suddenly felt shame wash over his body. He felt like he was doing something dirty, asking a preppy receptionist to connect him with Tony so that he could ask the man to have sex.

"Can I be connected with Dr. Stark?" Steve asked finally, his voice coming out minuscule and slightly somber, thankfully he didn't stutter over any of his words, that would have been embarrassing.

"Oh, I think he's in a surgery right now but I can check real quick. Can I ask your name and what this is in regards to?" She asked and he could hear the clicking of a pen over the phone.

"It's Steve, about a sick note." He wondered if he wouldn't be directed to Tony because he'd said that. He supposed that surgeons didn't usually handle writing sick notes for their patients. Nurses did that or something, but Tony was the only person he knew from the clinic other than Natasha, and he didn't really  _know_ her.

The line was kind of quiet for a moment. "Dr. Stark doesn't usually sign notes, could I maybe get you in touch with Dr. Banner? Is he your primary physician? Or I can connect you with Saint Teresa?" She asked and Steve silently cursed.

He didn't really know what to say, his parents had made sure that he wasn't a good liar. Pepper seemed like a reasonable women, but Steve had gone this far, it would be weird for him to just hang up the phone now. "Please, I just, sorry it's about some care for the surgery and the like as well. I, just, if you could tell him it's Steve, if he has a moment."

"Yeah, sure thing. Give me one second to track him down." She said and then a blaringly bad rendition of Ode to Joy played through the phone as a hold tone and Steve awkwardly sat on the edge of his bed. He looked around his room for a moment, sparse for the most part, and when he looked down to his pressed jeans he realized with great horror that he had become hard.  _What did I do to warrant this?_ he thought to himself as a blush crept to his face. Steve resigned himself not to do anything about it for a moment, but as the minutes that he was one hold ticked by Steve realized that he was going to have to do something about it or he would be very uncomfortable.

He slipped himself out of his pants and took a hold of his cock, feeling a pit of upset pool in his stomach that made his cock jump. Steve jerked himself fast, faster than he probably ever had before. He bit at his bottom lip hard and leaned back against the wall by his bed, trying to just get this over with.

"Still there Steve?" Pepper's voice came back over and Steve stuttered in his movements, his hand becoming shaky and sporadic around his cock. He wanted to cry.

"Y-yeah!" He finally responded.

"I'm gonna transfer you over to Dr. Stark right now." She said and then with little to no stimulation Steve was cumming all over his hand. He had to pull the phone away from himself so that his groan wouldn't register in the microphone.

As Tony's voice came over the phone Steve had to sit in a pool of his own cooling cum and try to fight back tears over what he had just done.  _I can't believe I fucking talked to her while..._ "Hey Steve! I didn't think I would be hearing from you again."

"I uh, I need a sick note for my job." He said and sniffled, reaching over to grab a tissue from his bedside table so he could attempt to clean himself up a little bit.

"Is that all? You can drop by before we close and I'll have it waiting at reception for you." Tony said and Steve felt like he could hear disappointment in his voice. Steve panicked for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should go forward with what he was planning on saying.

"No! That's not all." He rushed out, having no plan for how he would explain what he wanted to Tony.

"Oh? Tell me what else Steve." Tony's voice sounded so authoritative, so incredibly domineering that Steve almost felt like he was going to get hard again, but he didn't, his cock still sat limply on his lap.

"About... What happened." He started and paused, more nervous about this than anything else in his life. "I liked it. I'm sorry I acted the way I did."

"No, I'm sorry for continuing to,  _talk,_ the way I did even as it was obviously making you uncomfortable." Tony was obviously trying to censor himself for the work place, there were probably people around him as he apologized for what he'd said to Steve.  _I wonder if the people have any idea that this 'talk' was him telling me I might have a fucking blood fetish._

"Yes! The talking, that's what made me upset. The actions I..." Steve trailed off, unable to be specific with the how he had felt about those certain actions. "I want you to have sex with me again and do those  _things_ again but you can't--I can't--just don't mention them. Don't talk about it or ask me those things."

He could tell that Tony was walking, and then opening and closing a door, and Steve wondered if he was locking himself in his office so they could talk more privately.  _Maybe someone overheard me..._ "Well that's not what I expected. But, it's not  _just_ dirty talk, I'm also asking your consent. Like when I said 'you want me to bite you harder?' it was also a real question that you could have said no to. You're giving me a lot of power I don't know if I can handle if I'm just supposed to literally have my way with you."

That made sense, Steve had to admit. The questions made him uncomfortable but they did serve a purpose. But Steve absolutely could not have sex with Tony again and have the man say those things... But he didn't really know if he wanted to have to never have sex with Tony again. "I'll tell you no. If you start to do something I don't like then I'll just tell you no. Please Tony, I need to try this, can we just give it a go?"

"I'm gonna be straight with you Steve, this makes me kind of nervous. I don't know you very well so I don't know what your limits are, you obviously don't either, and you just want to put  _all_ control in my hands?"

"Don't make me beg you." Steve pleaded.

"Beg." Tony gave a simple command and Steve froze up a bit, his cock jumping slightly with interest.

He floundered for a moment, not really sure how he was supposed to answer, and then he stammered and stumbled through his response. "Please Tony, I--I can't keep doing what I was doing... I need you to be,  _in charge._ I want you to show me what my limits are and,  _God_ please Tony."

"Come round mine tonight. I'll text you the address, and I'll have your note waiting for you."

* * *

Steve was pretty sure he'd gone through the five stages of grief between the phone call and 7 pm that night. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, his skin was crawling at the thought and he couldn't tell if he wanted to smile or cry.

He remembered his first date with a boy. He'd contemplated for months on whether or not he should actually go through with it, all while this guy had persistently asked him for a date. Finally, Steve had acquiesced and figured that his family would never find out, it was just one date. He'd really liked the guy too, and he'd been sweet to Steve, a nice reprieve from his family.

He also remembered getting home, where his brother had waited to ambush him. He'd seen Steve out with the boy, and then sat at home, ready to show Steve exactly what he thought of that. And the worst part of it all wasn't the numerous punches and slaps, it was the fact that after all of it, as he'd laid on the carpeted floor of his living room, he realized that he was half hard in his pants. Steve didn't think his brother had ever told their parents, he was sure his life would have been much different if that had happened.

So Steve was scared to go to Tony's place tonight, absolutely shivering with worry. He tried to reason with himself that Thanos was probably still in bumfuck Indiana, not even thinking about Steve anymore. And Steve was in the most highly populated city in America, going out to do something with a guy that Thanos would never find out about.  _But God if he did know..._ Steve reckoned that he would die or be completely excommunicated from the family. As it stood his mom still called him about once a week and sent him gifts on his birthday, and Steve went back home for Christmas.

Resolutely Steve grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet and left the apartment. He shot Bucky out a quick text saying that he would be home late, but didn't elaborate on where he was going. Tony's house was even more uptown, so it was probably a thirty minute walk. Once he got on the street he felt a little bit of tension leave his shoulders,  _it would be silly to go back home now,_ he reminded himself and stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

It was still sunny out and Steve was glad for that, walking in the daylight made his trip seem more clean and pure. There was something in metaphors that Steve found comforting, probably all the religious jargon that he'd had shoved down his throat growing up. He didn't mind religion, really, but the way his parents had presented it to him had been so hateful, exclusive, and upsetting that he just found himself incapable of joining any kind of organized religion in his adult life. Still though, the faucets of good that he'd learned growing up still affected how he saw the world.

It was just after six-thirty, so people were going out for dinner or just getting home from work, some people seemed as though they were headed  _to_ work. So many different people all around him that he didn't recognized, until he did recognize someone. Just a flash of black hair and pale skin from ahead of him, and there was Loki, standing still in the middle of a crowded sidewalk with his boyfriend, trying to get an Uber or something.

T'Challa, Loki's boyfriend, spotted him first and so then Steve had to stop and chat for a second. T'Challa played contrabassoon, the only player in the symphony. They hadn't really talked much before, but were friendly with each other.

"Steve!" Loki called, noticing T'Challa's line of sight. Both men were dressed smart and Steve remembered that Loki's studio'd had a recital tonight. Steve had never understood how the man was able to maintain the symphony full time and also year-round private lessons for advanced students, it seemed almost superhuman--but Loki had always been a wealthy step-above everyone in the symphony because of it. In a way it was why Steve kind of respected Loki, he did work  _really_ hard for what he had. He and Buck really just had beginner private lessons for a couple months out of the year and that was already kind of difficult. "Feeling better after your terrible cold the Bucky said you had?" Loki asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice, a smirk on his face.

Steve held his braced hand up for Loki to see. "I'm going in to tell Phil about it tomorrow." Steve admitted, seeing no reason not to tell Loki, and maybe also to make him feel bad.

To Loki's credit, he did immediately soften his eyes and look actually quite upset. "Oh no, how long are you out for?"

"A month, month and a half maybe." He said and put his hand back in his pocket. Steve had, stupidly, tried to play yesterday without his third finger, but his other fingers put strain on the still healing tendon, so it was basically impossible.

"But our chairing auditions are in two weeks!" Loki fretted and Steve was taken aback a bit by the phrasing.  _'Our,_ ' usually Loki wouldn't refer to the section as a team, usually he would just make it 'me vs them'. "We'll have to reschedule. Let's do three months from now." He offered and Steve widened his eyes.

"Oh, uh, are you sure?"

"Auditions aren't fun if there's no competition. Rest that hand Steve." Loki said and Steve stammered through a thank-you and then said good-bye to both of them.

He walked down the street, slightly in a daze about the fact the  _Loki_ had actually been kind of nice to him. Loki usually barely even so much as looked at him, nonetheless actually have a conversation. Steve actually kind of had a smile on his face about the fact. Loki had given him plenty of time to heal up and still get some extra practicing in. Maybe his horrible injury was kismet--it so totally wasn't, but at least Steve could try and make the best out of a bad situation.

It was only a little further to Tony's apartment and Steve was still riding so high on the energy of talking to Loki so he strolled into Tony's apartment building with barely a thought and pressed the button for his floor in the elevator. It was a very lavish building, definitely cost a small fortune to live in, at least compared to what Steve was used to.

When he got to Tony's door he realized that he couldn't hesitate at this point, he had to at least try and show some confidence or else this would never work. He didn't want Tony thinking he was just a scared little kid. So Steve rapped on it a few times and then immediately afterwards felt the anxiety flow back into his body like a wave.

Tony answered the door still dressed in his smart and handsome work clothes. His slacks fit tightly against his thighs, and the top few buttons of his shirt were undone, Steve wasn't sure if he preferred this or the suit more.

"Come in," Tony offered and stepped aside, letting Steve walk into the foyer of the apartment. Though he was barely sure if this classified as an apartment or a mansion at that point. The entryway was all sleek black at grey, and looked either impeccably clean or rarely used, Steve couldn't tell. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Oh, uh, no thank you." Steve said, not really sure why he was blushing at such a simple question.

"I'll get you some water." Tony said anyway and then Steve followed him along to the kitchen where Tony already had himself a tumbler of something, and he grabbed a cup for Steve. On the kitchen island was a very official looking Doctor's note that had everything filled out except for Steve's last name, which he realized Tony had never gotten.

"It's Rogers." Steve said, pointing to the note, Tony just hummed and then scribbled it in with a pen, not that his handwriting was really legible in the first place.

They were silent for a moment, kind of awkwardly silent. "You know, this is kind of weird blue eyes." Tony finally said after a moment and Steve shuddered at that word.

"Please, don't say that." Steve crinkled up his nose and downturned his lips.

Tony nodded and mumbled something along the lines of, ' _oh so that's what is is_ ' to himself before downing the rest of his drink. "You promise you'll tell me, yeah? If I do something you don't like?"

"I promise."

It was painfully quiet again as Steve mindlessly sipped at his water and Tony just kind of stared at the kitchen island. Again Tony mumbled something that Steve really couldn't hear all that well and then Tony was kissing him again, just as sudden and fervid as he had on Friday night.

Steve was pushed against the kitchen island which dug in harshly to his back as Tony grabbed his wrist and held his hand down on the island and used his other hand to push his hip back. Their kiss was slightly more coordinated than the last time and it gave Steve time to marvel over just how good of a kisser Tony was. The mans lips were soft, his teeth obviously freshly brushed, and his stubble pressed hotly against his own clean-shaven face.

He was hard pretty instantly, since he'd been almost half hard while just standing and drinking water, and he could feel Tony's cock starting to swell up against the tight zipper of his trousers and press against him. He was taller than Tony, but just a little so their bodies fit together well and it wasn't awkward.

Tony moved his hand on Steve's hip to instead press against the bulge in his pants. With a brief showcase of intense strength, Tony lifted Steve the few inches so that he was sitting on the island, and then moved to his belt. "Take your shirt off." Tony commanded and Steve jumped to the order, peeling his tee shirt over his head, revealing his tight and heavily breathing stomach. The air in the kitchen was cold and his nipples instantly hardened.

Slotting himself in-between Steve's legs, Tony pulled Steve's hard cock out, also further stiffening at the cool air, and then latched his mouth onto Steve's left nipple. He put both of his hand on Steve's hips, letting his cock furtively rub against Tony's shirt, streaking it with thin fluid.

One of Tony's hands gripped harshly at Steve's hip, and the other dug it's nails into the same place that still harbored a bruise as Tony sucked at Steve's nipple. Steve had never had someone show so much attention to his nipples, and it made him try and push his cock harder against Tony's shirt, to get that little bit more friction. Tony suddenly switched from just softly licking and kissing at Steve to instead biting his nipple, and it wasn't just a nick of the teeth, it was  _hard._

Steve keened up against Tony's chest and let out a whine that he couldn't believe had actually come from him. He flushed with embarrassment and shrunk back a little, but Tony was quick to notice that.

"So hot, so good for me." Tony reassured, pressing kisses now on Steve's jawline. "I love it when you make those noises." He affirmed and Steve felt himself relax once more. That was good, those words were good, they made Steve feel like what he was doing way okay, like he was still good.

"Put your legs around me, let's see if I can carry you to the bedroom, my bet is 'no'." Tony said and that bit of humor made Steve chuckle and feel immensely better.  _We're just two people having fun, nothing else, nothing else._ He repeated to himself as he did as Tony said and wrapped his arms around the mans neck.

To Tony's credit, he did actually get Steve to the bedroom without really being able to see where he was going, but the way he through Steve down on the bed was both sexy and showed that he wasn't getting carried for much longer than that.

Steve made himself comfortable on the bed as Tony hastily unbuttoned his shirt and slid out of his pants. "Yours off too." Tony commanded and Steve's was quick to shimmy out of them, leaving him in only his boxer briefs. When he looked back up at Tony though, the man was completely undressed and Steve obliviously licked his lips at the sight of Tony's cock. It wasn't incredibly long, but it was thick, thicker than any cock Steve had encountered in real life before.

When he looked back up at Tony's face, the man had a knowing smirk on his lips and Steve immediately got out of his briefs as well. Tony climbed on top of him on the bed and Steve spread his legs so that Tony could fit in, but Tony just sat back on his haunches, leaning over to the beside table to grab some things. "Flip over on your stomach."

Steve hesitated for only a moment and then shook his head of fog and did as Tony said.  _He's just telling me to do things and I'm following orders, just following orders._

Tony set a condom and a bottle of lube on the bed next to him and then pulled Steve's hips back so that he was on his knees with his chest still on the bed. He warmed the lube in-between his hands then steadied one hand on Steve's hip before inserting his first finger slowly into Steve's waiting hole. Tony's cock gave an interested jump as he saw his finger disappearing into Steve, and Tony had to keep himself from rushing through all of this--no matter how much Steve liked pain, Tony didn't want to tear him on his first time bottoming.

After pumping his first finger in and out a few times, Tony inserted his middle finger alongside it and Steve made a surprised noise at the feeling of two fingers. Soon enough Tony found Steve's prostate and the man made another unintentional, but incredibly erotic noise.

Tony held his other hand above Steve's hip for a moment, contemplating, before giving him a slightly gentle slap. That garnered almost no response, so Tony tried a little bit harder and Steve's hips canted down harshly against his fingers. It was still light enough to where there was barely even a red mark left behind, so Tony drew the palm of his hand back a little bit further, and hit Steve just below full force, the sound of the smack resonated throughout the room. Steve  _writhed_ and bucked his hips back again, mumbling something that could have been Tony's name, or just a million other vowel sounds as he cried out.

Tony inserted his third finger, and quickly after that got his pinkie in there, setting a brutal pace with his fingers. He hit Steve one more time at the same time he pulled his fingers out and Steve bucked back onto nothing, audibly crying out at the sudden complete loss of stimulation. Steve brought his own hand down to fist as his cock but Tony pushed his arm away. "Don't touch yourself. You'll come when I want you to." Tony couldn't get the image out of his mind of Steve cumming basically from his words alone the other night, the image sent a shiver through him.

A wrapper crinkled and Steve realized that Tony was putting a condom on, then more lube on his cock. This position made him feel like a whore, but it was what Tony had told him to do so we wouldn't argue, and he did like the feeling of having his ass in the air, letting Tony do whatever he wanted.

Grabbing a hold of Steve's hips, Tony guided his cock to the hole, giving one good push to get the head in and then slowly easing in the rest of the shaft. Steve could feel every inch of it filling him up, making his stomach burn with ecstasy.

"Perfect, you were meant for my cock." Tony groaned as he bottomed out and Steve shivered at the feeling of being completely full.

Tony gave a few shallow thrusts before starting to pick up the pace. At first just the burn of the size seemed like it would be enough for Steve, but Tony could tell that he was starting to get used to it, so he tentatively reached forward to rest his hand at the base of Steve's neck. He let Steve get used to the fact that his hand was there for a moment before he wrapped it around his neck, loosely at first, making sure that Steve knew what he was doing the whole time. Some people  _really_ didn't like to be choked, so Tony would ease him into it. Though if there was ever someone to get erotically choked by, it would be a surgeon.

Steve gave no sounds of discontent so Tony tightened his grip around Steve's neck, pushing him into the blankets as his cock set a quick rhythm in his ass. At the feeling of being choked Tony could see one of Steve's eyes flutter and roll back slightly, his lips parting and a sharp intake of breath, and then Steve was rocking his own hips back, meeting each of Tony's thrusts eagerly.

Keeping the tightness on Steve's neck steady, Tony started to wholeheartedly fuck into Steve, the brutality of it rocking Steve's body and causing Tony's hand to rub up and down his neck, chaffing it slightly.

Steve's eyes started to flutter again and Tony could tell that the man was close to finishing, so he drew his free hand back and tightened the grip on his neck almost dangerously as he sunk in deep and slapped hard one more time on Steve's still tender hip.

"Oh  _fuck._ " Steve drawled out, the words getting muddled and elongated as his hips canted through his orgasm, spilling himself in long ropes on Tony's bed spread as Tony slowly brought himself to completion. Just the sounds Steve was making alone were almost enough to finish him, but the feeling of his hole fluttering through his orgasm is what finally made Tony cum as well. He continued to thrust his hips into Steve as he finished, even as Steve was basically just a droopy incoherent mess on the bed.


	3. Just My Imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> there is brief knifeplay in this chapter. there's blood too but not a lot.

Steve was awoken in the morning by the sound of his phone ringing. He immediately didn't know where he was, and looked around the room in confusion as he tried to figure out where his phone was. He slowly came to his senses and found his phone plugged in on Tony's nightstand, Steve didn't remember ever plugging it in. It was only at 50%, so Steve assumed Tony had plugged it in before he had left for work that morning, an event that Steve only barely remembered.

He saw Bucky's name flashing on the phone and rushed to answer it after that. His phone said it was almost eight, rehearsal was at eight thirty so Steve would be late unless he jogged, but he was only just dropping off the note and explaining what had happened to Coulson.

"Hey Buck." Steve said, his voice groggy and full of sleep. He moved so that he was sitting up on the bed, but then winced in pain when he suddenly put weight on his still slightly tender backside.

"Hey Steve, yeah, uh, where the hell are you?" Bucky asked, his voice quickly going from casual to heated. Steve did feel kind of bad that he'd told Bucky he didn't feel like going out and then had gone out anyway.

"I'm at a guys house, sorry." He admitted and slowly got out of the bed. He found his clothes from yesterday folded on the end of the bed. There was a folded piece of paper on top with his name written in scratchy handwriting.

"A  _guys house?_ I thought you weren't feeling up to drinking." Bucky complained. Steve took a seat back down on the bed, feeling the soreness beginning to fade away after the initial shock.

"I didn't." Steve realized that he should probably just fess up to Bucky about who he'd actually been with, it wouldn't hurt anything, in fact it would probably be weirder if he tried to keep Tony a secret from his best friend. "You know that doctor who fixed my hand the other day? It's his house."

"Oh my god? Really? Dude you  _never_ have hookups. This is crazy." Bucky sounded like he had gotten over his earlier anger at Steve and now sounded kind of excited. "I can't believe  _my Stevie_ had a one night stand with a doctor."

"First of all, not a one night stand. Second, I should really get going if I'm going to make it to the hall before rehearsal starts." Steve said and Bucky gave a quick goodbye and then Steve was hanging up the phone.

He picked up the note off of his clothes and unfolded it.

_Steve,_

_Here are your clothes. I didn't get the chance to wash them so feel free to borrow any clothes you want from me. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again soon._

He was thankful for Tony's offer to borrow clothes because he realized that his pants had a slightly crunchy spot on the front from where he'd gotten a bit of precum on them. So he went to Tony's closet and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. Tony and him were roughly the same size, so he didn't look ridiculous.

He piled his wallet and phone into his pocket and was about to step out the door when he caught sight of himself in Tony's hall mirror, and stopped dead in his tracks. Steve blinked a few times at the sight of his neck. There were several marks on it, at least one was a hickey, a few others looked like finger indentations that had left splotchy red marks from how Tony's fingers had wrapped around from behind. Steve reached up to touch at the marks and then pulled his hand away, shaking slightly.

Calmly, he walked back to Tony's room and tried to find a shirt that could somehow cover his neck. He had to settle on a black windbreaker zipped all the up, even though it looked like it was fairly toasty outside today. Steve sighed and shook his head, trying to remind himself that no one would be able to see his neck, no one would know about it.

He grabbed the sick note off the kitchen island and then started a brisk jog to the concert hall.

* * *

_[tony 3:45]_

Steve stared down at the text notification on his phone for a second and set down his pencil. He was sitting at his kitchen island wit his laptop open in front of him. It was his least favorite activity of the year that usually he and Bucky could do together, but Steve had to kind of jump into gear on his own since he couldn't rehearse anymore. So he was calling all the local middle and high school, reminding the music teachers that he was once again available for private lessons. It was just so painfully awkward, plus Steve absolutely hated making phone calls. By this point, his third year of doing beginner lessons, he knew all of the teachers pretty well, but the whole thing of meeting new kids and trying to teach them how to play cello was just  _weird._ Plus Steve probably wouldn't be the best teacher for the next month, he just needed some extra money.

Thankfully he was salaried and had plenty of sick-days accumulated, but he also didn't really want to laze around the apartment for the next few months.

Steve finally checked the message from Tony.  _[I get off around five. Wanna get dinner tonight?]_

He heard the sounds of Bucky coming up the narrow stairs towards their apartment and fiddled with the collar of his shirt uncomfortably, making sure that it was pulled up enough to cover everything, feeling a flush cover his cheeks as Bucky shouldered his way into the apartment with his cello on his back.

"Hey man!" Bucky called as he deposited his cello on the rack and then unceremoniously dropped his bag of music next to it, if this had been a cartoon Steve was fairly sure that bag would have exploded and all the music would have gone flying.

"Hey Buck. Practice get out early today?" Steve called as he typed out a hasty response to Tony.  _[sure! where are you thinking?]_

"Yeah, I thought Coulson was going to kill us all. Oh, and there was some heat in the first violins this morning." Bucky enticed and came around in front of Steve to ponder through there ever empty fridge. Not that they didn't have the money to buy food, they just both hated going grocery shopping, especially since all the shops around their area were super bourgie.

"Oh, do tell." Steve encouraged as he wrote down the number of another middle school that he needed to call. It worked really well having their own studio, parents felt more inclined to drop their kids off with a stranger if it seemed like a professional setting.

"So basically Gamora snapped a string, so she was trying to restring her violin, all the while Valkryie was making these super passive aggressive comments comments. I couldn't hear them, but judging by the look on Wanda's face she was being kind of a bitch. And  _then_ Quill heard her, so he told her to shove off, and she shut up for a while. And  _then,_ while she's still acting all high-and-mighty and Gamora is plotting her murder, Valkyrie slips off the fingerboard during her solo. She tries to play it off, but of course we can't let her get away with it because she was  _just_ making fun of Gamora, so, get this: our little baby Peter says: ' _smooth move Cardi_ ' and, I don't know how else to put this but the entire orchestra was chaos. Phil just could not get us to simmer the fuck down after that one." Bucky explained, very dramatic, with hand gestures and different articulating voices. It left Steve cracking up and rolling his eyes a bit.

"Honestly? I'm kind of glad about my hand. Those guys are just too catty."

Steve checked his phone again and had a new message from Tony.  _[how about you swing by my office and then we'll walk somewhere?]_

Steve types back an eager  _[sounds good! see you soon :)]_

When Steve set his phone down Bucky was raising an eyebrow at him. "Doctor, Doctor, give me the news, I've got a bad case of loving you." Bucky sang, purposefully off key and absolutely awful.

"Shut up." Steve told him with a small glare. "Also, I don't know if I'll be home tonight." Steve said, a smug smile on his face. He felt fine joking about this stuff with Bucky, mainly because Bucky had always been so open with him. He was pretty sure he'd heard about all of Bucky's hookups in graphic detail, and things got more awkward when he brought his partners home because their apartment did not have very soundproof walls.

"Wow,  _my Steve..._ " He lamented and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

"I'm gonna go get dressed, don't do anything weird." Steve warned, giving him a cheesy 'i'm watching you' motion with his fingers. Bucky held up his hands in surrender/defeat.

Steve had to leave Tony's windbreaker on, which was slightly better now that the evening was kind of crisp. He'd been sweating like mad when he'd shown up at rehearsal to drop off the note and he probably looked like a mess. Taking a shower later in the day he had noticed he also had a large handprint bruise on his hip, so he made sure to tuck his shirt in so there was no chance a simple stretch would reveal that.

He clean shaved and pushed his hair back out of his face, and by the time he left the apartment Bucky was making congratulatory noises and Steve was realizing that he was running very early.

He was a prompt person though, and he would rather be early than late.

The clinic wasn't very far from where they lived of course, and Steve stopped to talk for a moment with Thor and Peter who had been rehearsing a duet in the studio, and then when he finally walked in, he was running almost twenty minutes early.

He approached the receptionist with ease but he paled a little bit when he saw her nametag:  _Pepper._ He tried to school his features because obviously she had no idea what he'd gotten up to while on the phone with her the other day, but Steve felt enormous guilt.

She offered him a smooth smile, she was very pretty, not that Steve was much interested in women. "Hi, can I help you?" She asked and he took another step towards her. The waiting room still had a few straggling patients in it, but Steve assumed that Tony wouldn't still be in surgery this late in the day.

"Ah, yes, I'm here to see Tony-  _Dr. Stark._ " He reiterated and she raised an eyebrow and offered him another, more shy and secretive smile.

"Of course, Tony told me to expect you. You can head straight back to his office. Do you know where it is?" She asked and Steve nodded, giving her one last awkward smile and a ' _thank you_ ' before making his way through the halls.

He felt kind of weird walking around the clinic while other, much busier people bustled around him. No one questioned him, but he still felt out of place.

The surgery ward was pretty empty, and a lot of the lights were off. The door to Tony's office was propped open and so Steve only offered a polite knock on the door as he stepped inside.

"Steve." Tony offered him a brilliant, wide smile and motioned for him to take a seat. "Close the door first would you? Just give me a minute I've got to finish some forms." Tony instructed and Steve sat immediately, folding his hands awkwardly in his lap and looking around at all the framed documents on Tony's walls. He hadn't really gotten a good look at the place the last time he'd been here.

"Let's see your neck." Tony looked up briefly from his computer and Steve flushed red but unzipped the jacked and pulled it to the side to show Tony the full extent. Tony just hummed slightly and nodded his head.

Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket after he did the jacket back up and absent-mindedly scrolled through Instagram. He glanced up at Tony every few moments just to watch him. He liked the glasses that Tony wore while he was doing his work, it made him look very professional. Steve wetted his lips without really thinking about it just as Tony looked up to make eyecontact with him, and offered him a small wink.

It was about five minutes till five when Tony glanced down at his watch and then a smirk covered his face. "Why don't you jack yourself off Steve?" He said, and Steve felt his lungs tighten just a little bit. Tony was only offering, he could say no. He  _should_ say no, but the thought of doing it right here while Tony was busy with work and people were still in the building made his cock stir.

"Do you want me to?" He asked, his voice slightly breathy.

Tony nodded and licked his own lips.

Steve mechanically unzipped his pants and slipped his cock out of the slit in his underwear. He didn't even know if Tony could see it from behind the computer screen and over the desk. Steve closed his eyes as he grabbed a hold of himself.

It didn't take long to get hard. He didn't masturbate all that often, and so his cock seemed to jump to attention as soon as his hand circled around it. He felt his cheeks flush and he tilted his head downward so he wouldn't make eyecontact with Tony again as he slowly stroked himself to hardness.

"Very good for me Steve." Tony mentioned, but when Steve looked up at him he was still staring at the computer screen and typing something. Steve's cock pulsed in his hand as he was neglected attention.

He was quiet while doing it, and had to grab a tissue off Tony's desk at one point to make sure that precum wouldn't settle on his jeans. He felt like he'd been stroking himself forever when Tony suddenly stood up and slung his satchel over his shoulder. "It's five, time to go." He commanded and Steve froze in his seat. He wasn't even  _close_ to being done.

Steve looked up at Tony in panic and began to speed up his hand.

"I said, it's time to go Steve." Tony reiterated.

"But I'm not-  _done._ " He forced out and Tony simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you disobeying me?"

"You want me to go out, like- like  _this?_ " He stuttered out, almost wheezing on the last word, still not stopping the fluid motions of his hand, if only he could just fucking finish. His cock seemed to have other ideas though, and the more he and Tony talked the more he felt like it was going to take a hell of a lot longer.

"I want you to be hard all through dinner actually. The jacket is long enough to hide it." Tony seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing, even as Steve's grip on himself started to slow down.

Steve looked down at himself for a moment and then up at Tony, and he imagined what it would be like sitting in a crowded restaurant, surrounded by people and trying to keep himself hard. He simultaneously wanted to orgasm and cry. "I can't." He finally forced out and then sped up his hand,  _if I can just get this fucking over with, Tony can drop it._

"You can."

"No, please Tony. I can't do that. I can't, please don't make me." He begged and finally Tony's face softened a little bit.

Tony looked like he didn't know what to do for a moment and then he knelt in front of Steve, putting a hand on his cheek and stroking ever so gently. "I'm sorry, please cum for me Steve, I want to watch you." Tony ordered, suddenly changing gears.

With Tony's eyes on him the experience was sped up nicely, and fairly soon Steve was cumming over his hand and the strategically placed kleenex on his leg. As soon as he had finally orgasmed he felt a lot lighter and less stressed that Tony would just make him go anyway.

Steve leaned back in the chair and sucked in a few deep breaths, coming down from the aftershocks. Tony ran a hand through some of the cum still at the head of Steve's cock, which made him shutter since he was oversensitive. Steve had his eyes closed when he felt an intrusion at his mouth, Tony's finger, covered in his own mess, pushing at his lips. He opened his mouth impulsively and then suddenly it wasn't just one of Tony's fingers, it was four of them, shoving their way down Steve's throat and making him gag on both the intrusion and the sudden overwhelming salty taste. A tear ran down Steve's cheek as his throat spasmed.

And then, all too soon, Tony withdrew his hand and helped Steve finish cleaning up.

The walk out of the clinic was slightly awkward. Tony was walking beside him but didn't really say anything and Steve was still red with embarrassment and ecstasy. Pepper wished them both a good evening as she was getting ready to leave, and then they were outside, the cool air calming Steve.

Tony put an easy arm around Steve's waist, pulling him close against his side on the busy New York sidewalks. Steve didn't know where they were going, but Tony seemed to have a destination in mind.

"Steve," he mumbled into Steve's ear at some point during the walk, Steve only nodded. "Thank you for telling me no." He finally said and Steve didn't really know how to respond so he just nodded again. " _But,_ " he drew out the word and Steve felt like their were far to many people around them to be talking about things like this, he had to keep reminding himself that Tony was talking incredibly quiet, and that no one in New York really gave a shit what they were doing. "I think we need a word other than 'no' for you."

"What? Why?" Steve floundered, not getting the point.

"Because, I didn't know how far I could push it. You'd already basically said no once, and then I asked you again. I like that," he started and Steve's eyes darted around nervously. "Continue to pressure you after you say 'no', so how about another word for when you mean that we absolutely need to stop?" Tony offered and Steve nodded. That made sense, that was something he could deal with. "Think about it, okay?"

Steve nodded again and then fiddled with the collar of the jacket as they walked, feeling like everyone on the sidewalk could see right through him.

Finally they found themselves in a little Chinese restaurant, tucked back away from the bustling atmosphere in a little corner booth where they had to sit knee to knee with one another and crammed up against each other's shoulders.

Neither of them spoke for a moment as they looked through the menus and then placed their order and Steve was struck by how slightly awkward everything was.  _Is this... A date?_ He thought to himself, it was a bit weird to do that after they'd already had sex, but here they were, having a nice dinner together nonetheless.

"How long have you been playing cello?" Tony finally asked and it drew Steve out of his thoughts.

"Uh, I started playing piano when I was four, and then cello at age seven." He explained and Tony nodded, as if deeply thinking over his answer.

"Did you  _want_ to play cello or did other people want you to?"

The waitress came to take their orders and Steve was glad for the brief moment to think about his answer. He could be straight with Tony and just tell him the truth, but something about that felt too naked. He barely knew Tony.

"I think I wanted to originally, and then it just became a thing of my parents wanting to show off my skills, so I wasn't just playing because I loved the instrument. And in the end, it was basically my only real skill so I had no choice but to at least try and pursue music." He answered with a shrug and then took an awkward sip of his water.

Tony nodded at his answer. "I can kind of relate to that." Tony responded and Steve's eyes perked up a little.

"Your parents did the same thing?"

"Well, it was more like I was naturally pretty smart so they didn't pay attention to me, and then every once in a while they pulled me out of the dark to show their friends how smart their kid was."

Steve nodded immediately. "Yeah, same here."

The rest of the night was spent in mostly absent minded conversation, it was kind of awkward as any first date would be, maybe more so because they'd already had sex with each other. Steve hadn't been on an honest to god date in a long time, the whole idea was foreign to him after so many years. People usually got bored of how quiet he was, but Tony talked right through all the silences, and before long the waitress was bringing the check and Tony was paying without even asking.

"Do you want to come back to mine tonight?" Tony asked and Steve froze up a bit. He was still thinking about the words that Tony wanted from him, and of course what had happened in his office earlier, and though Steve wanted more, he was busy early tomorrow morning... "If you're busy you can just say so. I won't be upset." Tony interjected after Steve had taken a long time to answer.

"Yeah sorry, I have to go to a local middle school tomorrow." He answered sheepishly as Tony led him by the arm out of the restaurant and out onto the crowded New York street. Tony immediately pulled them flush against the building front and clutched an arm around Steve's waist.

"Not playing I would hope?"

"No, no, just trying to pick up odd jobs here and there to supplement my income." He said and Tony nodded, gazing glassy eyed into the street.

"Can I walk you home?"

"I suppose."

Tony kept a tight hold around his waist on the walk to Steve's apartment, all the while Tony assured him that it wasn't even very far out of his own way. Their conversation petered out as they got closer to the apartment and Steve noticed that Tony's grip was slightly looser.

When Steve looked over to him, the expression on Tony's face was pensive, almost unsure of himself, more nervous than Steve had seen him thus far.

"Anything on your mind?" Steve asked as they came to a slow stop in front of him complex.

Tony looked like he wasn't going to speak for a moment, and then gathered his thoughts. "I was thinking of what we were going to do next time. I have an idea but it might be... Kind of extreme." He admitted and Steve felt his stomach turn at the words, but he forced himself to nod. "I just need your word before then, or the night of, it's important. You'll text me when we can see each other again?"

"Uh, yeah, definitely. It might be a few days."

"Don't worry about it, I still have some things to consider." Tony said as his goodbye, leaned in to give Steve a brief kiss, and then waved farewell and took off down the street, leaving Steve to wonder just what Tony could be planning.

* * *

It was almost two weeks later when Steve inquired about the 'extreme' thing Tony had mentioned. They'd met up several more times and had sex similar to the first time, but Tony hadn't brought up anything new. Steve had finally stuttered out a question about what Tony had meant, and the man seemed to perk up at the fact that Steve was being proactive. Tony hadn't even pressed him for a safe word again, but Steve could tell Tony was slightly uncomfortable with that fact.

He'd gotten several odd jobs around town. A few private lesson gigs, more were trickling in, and a junior high that needed an assistant in the music department. All jobs that Steve was used to finding. The symphony'd had a concert a few nights prior which Steve had ended up seeing Tony at as he'd come with Clint's girlfriend. They hadn't sat with one another, and Steve hadn't tried to initiate conversation.

He was apprehensive to say the least about tonight. He didn't really know what Tony's definition of  _extreme_ was.

Steve knocked lightly at the door and Tony ushered him into the apartment with a brilliant smile. "Glad to see you again."

"The word is cello." Steve said abruptly, cursing his own awkwardness.

Tony raised his eyebrows but nodded. "Getting right into it then." He remarked with what Steve could only describe as a lecherous smirk. Steve turned red and didn't know what to say. "That's fine, why don't you take a seat on the sofa. I need to at least  _vaguely_ explain what I'm going to do to you." At Steve's tense shoulders Tony simply waived for him to take a seat. "Don't worry, I'm not going to explain it too much. I just,  _I've_ never done this before."

Steve took a seat, but nothing felt comfortable, his whole body felt out of place and unruly in Tony's posh furniture.

Tony took a seat in a chair across from Steve and pulled something out of his pocket, Steve could barely focus his eyes on what it was. It was in a clear plastic package, flimsy by the looks of it so it could be torn open. In the package was a blue handled scalpel. Steve looked up at Tony with worry in his eyes.

"You're not stupid, so I'm assuming you've gathered what this is, and what I'm probably going to do with it." Tony danced around any specific words or actions, but just looking at the knife was making his heart race. "I needed you to see it, you can tell it's completely sterile. Of course I know what I'm doing with it so that's nothing to be afraid of." Tony's tongue darted out of his mouth to lick at his lips as he considered how to phrase the second half of his explanation. "I won't go deep. Barely a-" Tony scrambled for vague words again, nothing that would let Steve's mind panic. "You'll barely feel it. You can tell me at any point to stop with your safe word and I'll get rid of everything, we'll never talk about it or use it again. Do you need to use your safe word  _right now_?"

Steve took in a deep, stuttering breath, then shook his head:  _no._

Tony grabbed the scalpel then and clenched it in his fist before setting it back down on the table. He still wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to do with Steve. He didn't want to have full intercourse with him, just in case Steve had a bad reaction. The man was already so reserved about everything that Tony didn't want to risk Steve associating anal sex with safe wording. No, Tony would need to do something that Steve was more used to, something that was easy to stop completely, and most of all, Tony didn't want to be so taken by pleasure that he would be in anyway impaired.

Finally, Tony decided that a hand job would do the trick. That way he would be completely focused on Steve's pleasure, and one of his hands would be free.

Steve still looked slightly petrified, and incredibly tense so Tony decided not to ask him to move or do anything. Tony took a seat on Steve's lap, straddling the mans legs on the couch and sitting back on Steve's knees. He tilted Steve's head up towards his by pulling on his hair and then leaned down for a kiss.

The response was immediate. Steve's shoulders slouched and his brow seemed to relax, smoothing out his forehead wrinkles.  _This_ was familiar, Steve could handle this.

They kissed for a long time, Tony's hands slowly starting to undo the buttons of Steve's shirt as Steve just lounged back against the couch cushions and let Tony have his way. Completely pliant as usual. The only time Steve ever really touched Tony was when he wanted something, or was trying to speed things up. Tony loved it. At first he was worried about having so much control over Steve, didn't think he would like it, but it was like Steve had opened up some other faucet of him that he didn't know existed. Tony yearned to be controlling, of having Steve just lay down as Tony did  _literally whatever_ he wanted with him, it was liberating.

Steve had to shift awkwardly when the shirt finally came over his head, and Tony had to crane his neck to lick at Steve's collarbone and used both of his hands to tweak the nipples. Steve's hips rocked up into his own and Tony grinned.

A small mewling noise came from Steve when Tony finally released his nipples, but Steve seemed satisfied when Tony's hands moved to the button of his jeans. Tony slid Steve's length out of his pants and gave it two long strokes before he released it and went back to kissing Steve. He needed the man to be completely relaxed.

Finally, after Tony was convinced that Steve was as relaxed as he was going to get, Tony pulled away from the mans lips and sat back on his knees. In a rare moment of action, Steve placed his own hand over Tony's bulge but Tony just shook his head.

"Just you tonight. Close your eyes." Steve did so without question.

Tony reached behind him for the scalpel and punched through the plastic like one would with a straw.

He'd held a scalpel just like this a million times before. Used it for much more intense things than this, but for some reason it felt completely different in his hand today. His whole body was abuzz with some weird form of excitement, and Tony had to triple check that his hand was steady. He'd never even considered doing this before, but Steve's reaction to blood the first time was something Tony wanted to explore.

"You can open them." Tony said as his hand came back down to circle around Steve's cock. The scalpel was held behind his back for the moment, though Tony could tell Steve knew it was their.

The handjob went on for a long time, Steve getting more worked up as it went on. His eyes were distant and his head was tipped back against the cushions, Tony wondered if he even remembered the scalpel at this point.

Precum was gathering over his first rapidly and Tony knew that he didn't have much time left. He slowed his pace slightly, giving a deliberate twist at the end of his stroke, which made Steve's hips buck up into his hand, trying desperately to get off.

"Don't cum yet." Tony warned and Steve didn't respond, just closed his eyes and tried to center his breathing.

It was when Steve's eyes were closed that Tony finally brought his other hand forward. He felt his own cock throb at the thought of what he was about to do, and Steve opened his eyes just in time to see Tony drag the scalpel across his chest in a half-inch cut.

Tony was right, Steve literally couldn't feel the pain over the pleasure he was currently experiencing. Tony very quickly set the scalpel back on the table and when back to stroking Steve's cock, faster now, setting a brutal rhythm. One of Tony's hands gripped harshly at Steve's shoulder as he anchored himself.

Steve wasn't paying attention to any of that, his eyes were fixated on the four thin rivulets of blood that dripped down his chest. Each of them stopping before they even got to his navel. He brought one of his fingers up to prod at the cut and a squirt of blood covered his finger.

With barely another thought, Steve was cumming over Tony's hand, and he promptly passed out.


	4. Far Away Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! just a reminder that the first few chapters of this fic were pretty light-hearted, but it will get darker as more about steve's past is revealed and as he and tony delve into deeper things. personally i wouldn't consider their relationship entirely safe, sane, and consensual. definitely consensual, however it's blurry if it's safe and sane simply because steve appears to have no limits that he knows of. 
> 
> warnings:  
> -tony feels a lot of apprehension and concern in this chapter, which could be construed as a form of dub-con (i personally don't consider it to be, however different people have different limits)  
> -more knifeplay  
> -steve enters subspace/drop  
> 

"Tony? What are you doing?" Steve asked, his eyes half-lidded as he came back to himself. He slowly figured out where he was: in Tony's bed, the man putting blankets up around him, ostensibly tucking him in.

"Shh, I'm just putting you to bed." He assured and Steve fluttered his eyes, but he wasn't tired, not at all. It wasn't even that late if he recalled since he'd only gotten to Tony's house at seven and what they did earlier hadn't taken that long.

"I'm not tired." He complained and pushed Tony's hands away, finally fully awake after having been blacked out. "I didn't fall asleep, I passed out." He reminded the man and Tony moved away quickly, letting Steve pull the covers back.

"Sorry, I just assumed." Tony said and then suddenly the air around them was weirdly awkward. Tony looked like he didn't know what to say and Steve  _never_ knew what to say, so they were at a bit of an impasse.

Steve looked down at his chest, there was a clear bandaid over the cut, hiding all evidence of what they'd done. Steve could almost imagine that it'd been nothing worse than a cat scratch. Truly the cut hadn't been more than that, Steve couldn't even remember feeling any pain. Perhaps the blade had been too sharp and had just cut him with ease. Steve didn't focus on the bandage for long. He noticed that his hand had been tenderly rewrapped and the brace was a constant pressure around it. Maybe he'd been out for a while.

"Are you hungry? I can order food?" Tony suggested finally and took a seat on the bed next to Steve.

"I'm not hungry. Are you?"

"No." Tony flitted his eyes towards Steve and battled with himself with what to say next. He wanted to discuss what had happened with Steve, he wanted to do that for  _himself,_ it was the care he needed. "That went better than I expected."

Steve screwed his eyes shut and leaned against Tony's side, Tony put an arm around the larger man as Steve rested his head on Tony's shoulder. "You said you hadn't done that before, but you have done other  _things?"_

Tony was surprised by Steve's words but figured that maybe the man could feel some of Tony's own anxiety and was trying to help him. Tony appreciated it, but it also left him searching for the correct words to use. Everything he said around Steve made him feel like he was walking on needles, with a gun pointed at him, and the needles were a trapeze that he could fall off of to his death. It wasn't a comfortable situation, but he would deal with it. "I've done most things. I didn't used to think it was my thing, but then I met this guy... Things didn't work out with him but I knew that I was interested at least. I got heavy into it, went to clubs and such. I just didn't have as much time when I started working at the private practice though. I haven't been able to find anyone else, accept for you." Tony didn't tell him everything, but Steve probably didn't want to hear everything.

Tony had worked at a club while he was in university and med-school, had been really good at breaking subs once upon a time. Steve was different though, Tony didn't know  _how_ to break Steve. Everything he usually did with new subs was just flunking horribly. But the things that he would  _never_ do with a new sub were working to his advantage. The knife-play namely. Tony had never done that before, never had someone actually interested. He'd assumed that Steve would become more reclusive after that fact, but Steve actually seemed more open, and Tony really didn't know what to make of that.

"Do you have more things like what we did earlier?"

Tony felt his throat go kind of dry. He shouldn't be caught off guard by questions like this, but coming from Steve they were just bothering him. "I do, maybe another day we can try them. You should recover from this though."

"I don't want to."

"What?"

"Recover. It's not late, we could go again. I feel so good right now Tony, please."

"You just  _passed out_." Tony argued, but he knew it was probably going to be in vain. The truth was he did want to do more, he hadn't even gotten off earlier.

"So?"

Tony let out a long sigh and scrunched his face up as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, nodding all the while.

"Give me twenty minutes, I need to make a plan."

"Why?" Steve asked, fairly impetuously and Tony felt anger boil in his gut.

" _Because Steve,_ this is really hard. I have to be so careful around you. Just let me think for a minute."

Steve nodded and Tony got off of the bed. He grabbed a box from underneath it before walking out of the bedroom, leaving Steve with his thoughts.

* * *

When Tony walked back in, closer to an hour later, Steve looked incredibly different from when he'd left.

The man was laying on his side on the bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone, but his body looked tense. Tony cursed himself for leaving Steve for so long. He'd been so loose and fluid after their earlier play, now Tony would have to start all over again.

He wasn't entirely confident in his plan either, it had been hurried. He took brief nuggets of thoughts and ideas he'd had and amalgamated them into one scene, it truly wasn't his best work but he thought that at least Steve might like it.

Steve's mind was moving at a hundred miles an hour, thinking over everything that had happened. He'd almost thrown up more than once over the course of the hour, but had thankfully been able to stop himself. Finally though, he'd had to use his phone as a distraction from his mind.

He set his phone on the side table and looked up at Tony who was carrying the box again. He didn't put it under the bed again but instead set it next to the bed, Steve stared at it in confusion. "Turn on your other side." Tony told him and Steve furrowed his brows. "I'm going to open the box and I don't want to panic you."

That got Steve to turn and then he heard Tony rustling through the box, pulling things out and then the sound of the box sliding over the hard wood floor and back under the bed. Two objects were set on the floor where Steve wouldn't be able to see. Tony told him he could turn back over and as he did Tony was setting a bottle of lube and a box of antiseptic wipes on the nightstand.

"Tell me what your word is." Tony stated and Steve was quick to comply.

"Cello."

"Steve, what I have planned is a little... Different from everything else. It's more officially a scene than our previous fun. Do you know what that is?" Tony was met with a blank look and Tony sighed again. "Basically I need some things from you in return.  _Don't_ get that look. This is what you want, Right Steve?" Tony didn't continue till he got a nod. "It can't just all be about you, and I'm not going to ask a lot."

Steve felt concern build up within him, and also hatred for himself. He felt so selfish,  _of course_ Tony would have ground rules of his own. It would be weird if he didn't. "I--I'm sorry. Please continue." He forced out.

"First, I'm not going to ask you if you need to safeword, you just need to be able to tell me. Second, if I tap your shoulder twice, like this," Tony tapped right on the edge of his shoulder very forcefully, nothing that Steve could miss. "I need you to verbally tell me what's going on in the scene. Don't worry, you can remove yourself from it, you don't need to say ' _I'm..._ ' you can say ' _Steve is...,_ ' does that make sense?" Steve nodded. "Finally, don't call me by my name during this. Call me literally anything else: sir, master, daddy if you want, you could even call me doctor."

"What? Why?" Steve asked immediately after the last rule. He liked calling Tony by his name, and he didn't know if he would be able to say the other ones.

"Because I like my name to be a safe place for when we're doing things that are more traditionally intimate. It won't be hard Steve, you probably won't need to refer to me, and if you do, you've called me Doctor before."

Steve felt apprehension building, more so than with anything else they'd done. He was used to being spanked, choked, even cut now, but something about Tony's tone made this seem like it was going to be more, a lot more.

"Take your clothes off, get on your knees."

Steve was still uncomfortable taking orders, but he tried not to be reticent. He did as Tony told him, taking deep breaths as he did so and feeling himself center. It wouldn't do well for him to get worked up so early on. He was hard under his clothes, something that he'd barely even noticed.

Tony tapped on his shoulder, earlier than he would have expected and Steve struggled to form words. "Steve is on his hands and knees." He finally said, prefacing it with a  _Steve_ instead of the proper pronoun did actually help. It took him out of the words, made it seem like he was describing something on TV, not actually what he was doing.

The first thing that Steve felt was very unexpected. Tony's hand slapped his ass, no harder than usual, but he hadn't seen it coming at all and so his body jolted at the sudden stimulation.

Steve let out a moan and his cock jumped, a usual response to this sort of action. Tony hitting him always made him more hard.

There was another slap, then another, and another until Steve lost count and he felt sweat dripping down his back. This was new. Tony had never repeatedly hit him without any kind of sexual stimulation before.

Tony's hand reached around to grab at Steve's cock, expecting it to be less hard after repeated pain with no pleasure. Steve's cock was, however, still standing at full attention, painfully hard and leaking out of the tip. Steve's ass was bright red, he'd long since stopped squirming with every new shock of pain, instead just let his body be pushed by it.

When Tony's hand left his cock Steve immediately replaced it with his own, giving a few stroked before Tony's voice stopped him. "Don't touch yourself unless I say so. And for that matter, don't touch me unless I say so." Tony warned and Steve's hand froze and then went to join his other one in stabilizing his body.

There was the sound of something sliding off of the ground and in Steve's periphery he saw a thick wooden paddle. It was a dark colored wood and beautiful, but it made Steve's blood run cold.

"N--no." He mumbled, but it was a half-hearted attempt.

"No?" Tony repeated but Steve didn't say anything else, just shut up and screwed his eyes closed.

Steve was prepared for the first blow, and it stung him but wasn't anywhere near as bad as the full force of Tony's hand. His body tensed up and then loosened as the hit came and he was rocked forward from it. It was a different kind of pain, more dull than Tony's hand had been, and Steve could feel the unspoken potential for far more pain behind the blow.

Tony hit him again, but he wasn't eliciting the same reaction from Steve as he had been with his hand. He tapped twice on Steve's shoulder.

"Steve is--" Steve faltered in his words, he had to detach himself from this if he was ever going to get what he wanted. All the hairs on his arm rose in alarm as he said his next words: "not being hit very hard."

Tony faltered as Steve said something unexpected. He had been just about to hit him again and so thought that maybe he had just misheard. Tony tapped him again.

Louder, more confident this time Steve repeated: "Steve is not being hit very hard."

Considering the words Tony was almost to jaded to dare think that they could be an unspoken plea.  _Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what he's saying..._ But Tony knew that Steve had taken more than this, so the next his was harder.

He knew that paddle well, and that the dull ache would last much longer than a slap ever would, so he waited a moment as Steve adjusted, but  _still_ he wasn't eliciting the reaction that he had expected. Steve should be writhing on the bed by now, he would have been if this had been Tony's hand. He wondered if maybe Steve just didn't like the paddle, but there was something in how he'd phrased himself that made Tony think that wasn't true. He tapped Steve's shoulder again.

"Steve still isn't being hit very hard."

Tony froze and wiped his brow, gently dabbing the sweat away as he brought the paddle back. He'd hit Steve at about half strength before, so he upped it, and when he brought the paddle down he thought of multitudes of his subs in the past who'd safeworded from this level of pain.

Steve just moaned.

Steve's ass was already so red, and Tony's was worried he was going to horribly bruise him if he hit him again in the same spot.

"Steve isn't being hit very hard." Came Steve's voice again, unprompted and Tony felt sweat drip down his face even though he'd just wiped it away.

"Shut up." Tony ordered and Steve closed his mouth.

Tony looked at Steve's thighs. It hurt much worse to be hit on the thighs, but Steve still seemed to want more. They'd surpassed what Tony could do with his hand, and so he swallowed around a lump in his throat but still brought that paddle back and than  _whapped_ it across the back of Steve's thighs.

" _Fuck._ " Steve groaned and his hips bucked into nothingness, his cock trying to get friction that Tony wasn't going to let him have. Tony hit him again in the same spot and Steve keened, letting out a high pitched whine that made Tony's breath stutter. Steve was getting so much pleasure from this that Tony almost couldn't believe it was possible. He'd been with people who said they were sadists before, but most of them were lying to some extent. Most of them couldn't take was Steve was taking, and Steve was asking for  _more._

"Can I speak?" Steve asked, sounding oddly assertive. Tony felt a weird role-reversal going on. He felt timid and meek, and Steve was coming into his own.

"Yes."

"Steve wants  _the Doctor_ to break him."

Tony shuddered and pulled his cock out of his pants as he thought of where else he could hit Steve. He delivered two more hard blows to the back of his thighs in rapid succession, then sat back on his thighs and stroked his cock for a moment. Letting Steve twitch as he tried to shift his hips and ass into a comfortable position, he wouldn't be comfortable for a while.

"Sit back on your knees." Tony ordered and sucked his lips into his mouth, contemplating what he was about to do. From a medical standpoint he wouldn't be permanently injuring Steve, but Steve wouldn't know that. Tony'd had this done to him before, not in a sexual way, and it truly had felt like he was going to die for a moment. He couldn't imagine doing this to someone else, but seeing how much pleasure Steve was getting was making his erection pulse. Steve looked so incredibly blissed out.

Steve did as ordered and sat with his back straight, better for what Tony was about to do. "Take a deep breath."

He watched as Steve's chest puffed out, breath swelling inside of him. Tony stepped off the bed and rolled the paddle in his hands a few times, reaffirming his grip on it. Steve looked over at him with so much love and trust in his eyes that Tony almost melted. But the love and trust came from  _this,_ so Tony finally gathered all of his confidence.

He brought the paddle against the small of Steve's back, definitely nowhere near the intensity that he'd hit Steve's thighs and ass with, but still, it had the desired affect.

Steve immediately gasped and toppled forwards, landing face first in the pillows as he clutched at his chest. Tony rolled him onto his side so he didn't suffocate himself as he spasmed and desperately tried to get air into his lungs. There was a thick layer of cum on the bed under Steve, but his cock was still hard after orgasming.

It took a few minutes for Steve to get his breathing under control and Tony watched him carefully even as he put the paddle away and pulled out his other instrument. He stroked Steve's face gently as Steve steadied himself, his eyes wild and his face pale.

Tony took a moment to pull off his own clothes before joining Steve on the bed once more. He lay Steve on his back and Steve winced as his tender skin touched the blankets, but he didn't say anything. Tony tapped Steve's shoulder twice.

"Steve is breathing." He stuttered on the words, his diaphragm obviously still convulsing gently.

Tony wiped Steve's chest down with an anti-septic wipe, thoroughly cleaning it. He then grabbed the lube from the table and went through his typical routine of stretching Steve's ass. He was more sensitive today though and everytime his hips shifted he sucked in a breath. By the time Tony had him fully worked up Steve's cock was leaking precum again.

He grabbed Steve's thighs and worked himself inbetween them, having to drag Steve's sore back against the blankets for a moment as he set Steve's thighs on his hips and guided his cock into him. Steve's eyes rolled back and he licked his lips as Tony eased in. He set a gentle rhythm that Steve was able to lay back and enjoy.

As he felt himself nearing orgasm he grabbed the second object that he had planned. It was a Buck Knife, perfectly sharp, perfectly clean.

Steve sucked in another breath and almost choked as he saw it. Tony ripped the bandage from earlier off of him. The mark was barely visible, it wouldn't scar. Tony slowed his thrusting so that he wouldn't royally fuck up and carved a gentle line down Steve's sternum, it wasn't any deeper than the first cut. Steve watched, mesmerized as blood very slowly seeped out.

Tony made eye contact with him and Steve smiled so sweetly that Tony though perhaps he could orgasm from just that.

He brought the knife back up, resolute in his ambitions. He only had the knife because a previous partner had wanted to attempt this, but they'd never gotten around to it, they'd never trusted Tony enough to actually go through with it.

Tony pressed the knife against Steve's stomach and then pressed down, the cut flowering as he drug across.

Steve instantly felt something change as he watched the cut open. It was much bigger than the first one, and then, just as he had spoken in third person earlier, he felt completely detached from his body. The ache of his back was gone, the burn of his lungs, and most of all he couldn't feel the cut opening on his stomach even though it must have hurt like a  _bitch._

His eyes went half-lidded as he vaguely felt himself orgasm. His abs tensed as he did so and more blood flowed from the lower cut, it was getting on Tony's bedspread. Steve though with a far away mind that they would have to change the sheets after this.

His fingertips went down to touch the blood, smearing it against his stomach as Tony quickened his pace. Tony grunted and then he was pulling out and tying his condom off, all the while Steve's fingers were still absent-mindedly pushing his blood around.

And invasive thought entered Steve's mind:  _What if your brother saw you right now?_ And then Steve was pushing Tony off of him, glad that the knife was safely on the beside table (not that he was really thinking about that right now), and making his way to the bathroom. He immediately collapsed in front of the toilet and vomited and a stream of blood ran onto the tiles.

"Steve?!" Tony called, his voice dripping with worry as he found him in the bathroom collapsed around the toilet. "Oh  _shit._ " Tony mumbled and grabbed a wash cloth, wetting it and cleaning Steve's mouth, handing him some mouth-wash that Steve lacklusterly gargled with. Tony then flushed the toilet and pressed another wash cloth to Steve's cut. It was starting to slow already but Tony didn't think Steve would want to see it right now.

All of a sudden Steve didn't feel hazy and faraway anymore, he felt downright  _wretched._

His body shook with a cold that overtook him and Tony seemed very panicked as he scooped Steve up off the floor and brought him back out to the living room couch. "Lay here for just a second Stevie, I'll be right back." Tony pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Steve held the wash cloth as Tony left and felt tears well up in his eyes. He shook harshly and his breaths were fast, too fast. He tried to sit up but he collapsed back against the couch cushions, fear coursed through his veins as he realized he couldn't get up. "Tony?" He called, his voice pathetic and wet.

Steve still couldn't get his thoughts from his brother.  _He'd kill me. He'd flay me alive. My parents wouldn't even care. He'd cut my fucking dick off._ Steve's stomach heaved but he didn't vomit again.

Finally Tony was back, this time with a little medical kit. He made short work of the cut with a few butterfly bandages.

"I want to go home." Steve cried and Tony shushed him sweetly, stroking his thumb along Steve's cheekbones.

"It's okay Steve, we can just spend the night here. I can make you some hot chocolate? Some sugar would be good for you." Tony hadn't dealt with a sub-drop in a very long time and he felt just as shaky as Steve was.

"Please I want to be in my own bed."

Tony nodded anxiously and darted back to the bedroom. This wouldn't do at all, they would have slept on the couch if they'd stayed here. The bed was covered in blood, more blood than Tony had been anticipating. Not a dangerous amount of course, just  _more._

Tony gathered up some clothing that would be easy to get on Steve as he simultaneously called a cab. This place was foreign to him, it was where Steve was hit and bloodied and fucked, and of  _course_ he would want to be somewhere safe and comforting right now. Tony hadn't had the foresight to contain their play to just the living room or bedroom, and right now Steve obviously didn't want to be in either one of them.

He got himself dressed just as quick and then met Steve back in the living room, helping him into a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt, Steve was positively  _freezing._ Steve was still crying and Tony felt like  _he_ wanted to cry when he noticed that Steve's bandage had come undone and there was now blood on his shirt. He leaned Steve back against the couch like puddy and redressed the bandage tighter with his trembling fingers.

"Let's go get in the cab Steve, come on, I'll take you home." Tony assured and pulled Steve up off the couch. He didn't even have shoes on but Tony didn't have the patience to find them.

The struggle down the stairs and out onto the street was ridiculous and Tony was glad that at least in New York no one would give them a second glance as they stumbled towards the waiting cab. Steve gave his address in a glassy voice, like a beginner violin trying to play in fifth position.

The ride to Steve's apartment was spent with Tony petting Steve's hair and telling him how good he was while Steve said nothing at all and tears continued to track down his cheeks. "Can you please tell me what's wrong Steve?" Tony begged but Steve didn't say anything.

Tony had to help him out of the cab and then Steve had to tell him what apartment was his. "We forgot your keys." Tony said in a sudden moment of panic but Steve just shook his head.

"My roommate should be home." He said and Tony suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. How must this look? What would Steve's roommate think of them? But there was no other option so Tony raised his hand and knocked at the door.

Steve must have had an especially unsettling thought because he sucked in a very wet breath and then squeezed his mouth shut so as not to whimper.

A man opened the door who Tony kind of recognized, but all the lights were on in the apartment and the roommate obviously wasn't alone.

"Hey Steve,  _what the fuck?_ " The man asked as the door was opened wider. Steve only mustered a half-hearted response to his roommate as Tony soldiered him into the room and tried to ignore the stares from Steve's friends. And of course Steve's friend was dating his boss, so it made sense that this cruel world would make Natasha Romanov also present in the room, giving him a very concerned look amid the three other men sitting near her.

" _Tony_?" She basically wheezed out but Tony just tried to ignore everything going on.

"Steve, where's your room?" Tony asked him and Steve pointed him towards a hallway.

"Wait! Is that blood on his shirt? Steve what's going on?" The roommate asked, looking very unhappy with the events unfolding.

"He's fine,  _fine,_ just had a rough night." Tony tried to amend the situation, but he didn't think he was making it any better.

"I'm fine Buck." Steve finally spoke and sounded incredibly lucid, making Tony breathe out a sigh of relief. "I'm going to bed."

Bucky looked like he wanted to press the issue more, but simply watched on as Tony and Steve awkwardly shuffled into Steve's room and then slammed the door. There was the immediate sound of an argument commencing outside the door, but Tony just ignored it in favor of laying Steve down on his bed.

"Stay with me." Steve urged and Tony didn't think he could say no if he wanted to, he was utterly exhausted and pretty sure he'd left his door unlocked.

Tony lay down, still in his jeans and pulled Steve tight against his chest, pulling the blanket up over top of them.

"I'd be killed if my family knew about this." Steve mumbled, his mind still in a deep, sad fog.

"Don't say that." Tony chided and brushed Steve's hair out of his face.

"I'm not exaggerating Tony." Is all he said in response.

Tony didn't know how to comfort him, didn't know what he needed other than sleep, so simply rubbed gentle patterns into Steve's body until his breathing mellowed out. Tony was fairly sure he wouldn't get any sleep.


	5. Respectable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short and late! I really didn't want their to be sex in this chapter and that's usually what makes them so long!! I hope you all still like it xoxo  
> -also next chapter i will address how unsafe their scene was in the previous chapter x

Steve woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. As he slowly came to he recognized it as his own ringtone and so he tried to sit up, and found that both his entire body hurt and he had an arm around his waist keeping him down.

Tony was laying next to him, an arm tight around Steve's waist. Steve could see his phone was haphazardly on the bed on the other side of Tony. He reached his arm and had to hold back a wince at the blistering pain in his back. He had a killer headache, his ass was on fire, and his back made him feel like an eighty year old man.

He finally finagled the phone into his hand and then collapsed back down on the bed, relaxing his abused limbs. Tony didn't stir.

"Hello?" He answered the phone as he rubbed his eyes, it was still far too early and the events of last night were flooding back into his head. It was slightly overwhelming but he tried to keep his composure.

"Steve!" A voice came, way to peppy for such an early morning, and it made his headache just that much worse. "How are ya? Sorry to call so early but I was wondering if you got my invite?"

He slowly pieced together who the voice was:  _Peggy._ She had been his high school 'girlfriend.' In reality she had just posed as his girlfriend to help him out with his family. They had been best friends though once upon a time. "Invite? No, what's up?" He hadn't seen her in years, since he left home to New York. She wasn't very active on social media so he never really knew what was up with her, and neither of them were good at frequently calling or texting.

Tony groggily shifted his body and opened one eye, looking up at Steve as he let himself wake up.

"Oh no! I figured that was the case. See I was going through the list of everyone who RSVP'd and I didn't see your name! It's really short notice now." She sounded very disheartened and Steve had no idea what she was talking about.

"Sorry Peg, I don't really know what you're talking about." He admitted.

"Oh! Yeah you wouldn't would ya? It's my wedding! Invitations went out months ago but I must have had the wrong address for you."

"Yeah I never told you when I moved into my new apartment. When's the wedding? Where's the wedding?"

"Well it's just two weeks out now, back home at my moms house. Very informal! If you can't make it it's not a worry I know you must be busy with concert season. It's two Saturday's from now." She rushed out and Steve could tell from the tone in her voice that she was very panicked and she definitely wanted Steve to be at the wedding.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure I could catch a flight out there. If you've still got room for me that is?" Steve really didn't quite have the money for a roundtrip flight and hotel rooms at the moment, but he would scrounge something up for Peggy. At least he didn't have to worry about a suit since he had his concert attire.

"Of course I do! I already planned your seat because I just didn't even notice you hadn't RSVP'd! Do you have a plus one though? I kind of need to know now because we're almost out of seats." She explained, her voice suddenly much happier.

Steve looked over at Tony for a second, the man was kind of just staring up at the ceiling, couldn't hear the other end of the phone. "Uh, one sec Peggy." He put the phone down and nudged Tony a bit. "Hey Tony, you free in two weeks?"

Tony looked like he was knocked out of a daze and he looked at Steve blankly for a moment before realizing he'd been asked a question. "Wedding?" He'd heard Steve mention on the phone. "Yeah, where is it? What will airfare be?"

"We'd have to fly into Kansas city and rent a car, I've gotten tickets for like $250 before."

"So five hundred..." Tony trailed off as if deep in thought for a moment.

"What, no! You don't have to pay for my ticket." Steve protested and Tony just shook his head.

"Yeah, that should be fine, we'd have to fly back on Sunday though, I'm scheduled like six months out."

Steve pulled the phone back up to his face. "Yeah, put me down for a plus one Peggy. I can't wait to see you again." He said honestly, he did miss her. She was one of the only people he could really connect with in high school.

"Great! Hey also, I feel really bad asking but could you maybe-"

"Play cello at your wedding?" He finished the sentence for her and she let out a sigh.

"Yeah, sorry."

"No it's fine, one sec." He put the phone back down at looked over at Tony who just gave him a nod. "Yep! I can do that! See you soon Peg." She gave him a happy goodbye and then finally hung up.

Steve tried to stretch out again but his back sorely protested. "Ah babe I feel like shit." He complained and Tony sat up on the bed, pushing the blanket off of him.

"I'm gonna go get you some ice." Tony said and then slipped out of the bed. Steve watched him go, he had slept in his jeans and this was his first time in Steve's house, but he sounded confident in the fact that he could find the fridge and the ice.

Steve very slowly got out of bed, each movement unlocked a new soreness that he hadn't known about. When he finally stood up he let out a soft groan at the feeling and had to steady himself on his feet. He thought back to last night and considered the pros and cons of what they had done.

_It was definitely worth it._

Steve had a new sense of self after last night. He wasn't turning white and getting nauseous at just the thought of what they'd done. Nothing that could make him feel  _so good_ could possibly be wrong. The drop last night had been awful, but Steve couldn't remember that anywhere near as well as the complete euphoria from before, and even when he was feeling down Tony had taken such gentle care of him that he couldn't really say it had been all bad.

There was a floor length mirror in his room and Steve came to stand before it. The tee shirt he was still wearing had a blood stain on the front of it and it peeled uncomfortably away from his stomach, but it didn't make him sick.

He pulled the shirt over his head and then pushed the sweatpants off, leaving himself standing naked in his bedroom and staring at himself in the mirror. There was a shallow cut above his pectoral, another one that went from his sternum to his navel, neither of those ones would leave a mark. The one just above his hip though was still closed with bandages and it would definitely leave a permanent mark. Steve vaguely remembered running his hands through the blood last night before he'd orgasmed.

He turned around and looked over his shoulder at the mess on his back. His ass and thighs had faint and splotchy bruises, some red spots dotting the area. The curve of his back had a dark bruise and Steve remembered the feeling of not being able to breath last night. It had been positively holy.

Sometime while he studied himself Tony had come back into the room, holding a ziploc bag of ice and a bottle of ibuprofen. Steve made eye contact with him in the mirror and turned his head back to look at Tony.

"God Steve I'm so sorry. I hit you too hard." Tony said and set the items down on his desk before coming to very gently circle his arms around Steve's waist, careful not to hurt anything.

Steve returned the hug and pressed Tony's cheek against his shoulder, tucking his head under his chin. "No, not at all Tony. You only did what I asked." He assured.

"But I  _know_ the limits of the body, and I crossed them. I'm never hitting you on the back again." He warned and Steve drew lines on Tony's back with his fingers in a comforting gesture.

"That's okay. Everything's fine." He said and pressed a soft kiss to Tony's forehead. "Do you have anything to do today?"

Tony shook his head against Steve's shoulder.

"Why don't we just set up on the couch and watch some TV?" He suggested and Tony nodded. He was drained right now, Steve could tell. He wondered if maybe Tony was feeling the same kind of drop that Steve had last night, his had just been put off since he'd had to take care of Steve. "I'm gonna put some pajamas on. Why don't you put those sweats on?" He motioned to the ones he'd shed on the floor, they were Tony's anyway.

They both got changed in silence, Steve felt a lot better after he was out of the bloody shirt and in soft, cozy clothes.

The couch was in the living room so they both walked out, Tony carrying the ice and medicine for Steve who motioned for Tony to sit back on the couch while he grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen.

While looking through the cabinets Bucky made his way out of his room. He looked incredibly uncomfortable around Steve's for a moment, searching for the right words to say. Steve just offered him an unassuming smile.

"Hey Buck, morning." He said. He was always way more cheery than Bucky in the morning.

"Uh, yeah. Hey Steve, you're okay right?" Bucky finally asked, sounding unsure of his words.

"Of course. Don't worry about me so much man."

"Well the thing is you came home last night looking like you'd been drugged, with blood on your shirt, and your boyfriend who I've never actually met speaking for you."

Steve felt weird being confronted with this fact. Of course he remembered last night, but he didn't really remember the finer details. "Oh, sorry to scare you. I'm fine though, we just had a bit of an accident."

Bucky seemed like he wanted to vacate the situation as quickly as possible so he just nodded, still looking apprehensive even as he retreated back into his room.

Steve cuddled up to Tony on the couch as the man held an ice pack on his back.

* * *

"I've said it before, I'll say it a million time-"

Tony cut Steve off. "Paying full price for an airline ticket for a cello is bullshit." Tony parroted the words that Steve had been constantly saying since last night.

"Yeah!" He agreed and adjusted his grip on the well worn handle of his cello case. It felt good to have it in his hand again. He hadn't gotten very much time to practice since Tony hadn't actually wanted him to play until just a couple of days ago, but Steve had enough music memorized to play for an hour at least, and if not he had a wire stand and assorted music in his case.

"You want me to carry that for you?" Tony offered and Steve pretended to be offended before handing it off to Tony.

They were dressed in smart suits, though Tony's was blue and Steve's was black, they didn't really have time to get perfectly matching.

The three of them (Steve, Tony, and the cello) piled into the rental car, Steve very gently laying it in the backseat, Tony had half a mind to think that he was going to strap it in with a seat belt.

"I want to go home. I hate this town." Steve complained as he took the passenger seat next to Tony and lay his head against the window, already exhausted. He'd been practicing basically non-stop for the past few days and had honestly tired himself out, but he would be fine.

"Remember, no playing for more than an hour. If your hand starts to hurt then just wrap it up, don't fuck it up more than it already is." Tony shifted the car into drive and rested a firm hand on Steve's thigh.

"Yes mom." Steve said childishly and then covered Tony's hand in his own.

Peggy's wedding would hopefully be fun. He and Tony had spent a lot of time together, but they hadn't had another scene, everything they'd done had been very tender, Steve still needed time to recover, to think on things a little bit.

Steve had been surprised with his own reaction in the days following their scene, he'd expected more self-loathing and crying-but for the most part he'd been almost  _unfazed._ The thought of what had happened crossed his mind every once in a while but it didn't throw him into a panic or anything.

He'd been having dreams about it too, wonderful dreams where he was and  _active_ participant and he could tell Tony exactly what he wanted, but for now those were still just dreams.

The drive to Peggy's house was a relatively brief one. Her parents owned a small farm just outside of town, it was beautiful, had both livestock crops and an apple orchard. Steve had spent a lot of time there growing up, since his parents had approved of Peggy and were friends with her parents. Of course he couldn't spend  _too much_ time with her because that would just be inappropriate and blah, blah, blah.

"I've never seen you play before." Tony commented and Steve was drawn from his thoughts.

"Yeah you have, you saw me practicing."

"But that's just practicing, I'm excited to see you play in front of other people."

The ceremony passed without incident. Steve didn't really know who Peggy's new husband was, but he seemed nice enough. They didn't have time to talk during the ceremony of course, so she found him during the reception and gave him an enormous hug while he tried to set up his cello.

Tony and Peggy took to each other weirdly fast and she promised to introduce him to people while Steve played. He supposed that bringing his boyfriend to a wedding in his hometown was basically coming out. He hadn't really thought of it that way until now, but as he overheard Peggy introduce Tony as "Steve's Boyfriend... Yeah, Steve Rogers! He's right over there," it really drove home the fact that this was really happening.

Most people he and Peggy's age and younger were pretty open minded, but Steve was worried about some of his parents friends. The news was no doubt going to reach them. He would just try to enjoy himself in the meantime.

Halfway through playing a piece by Bartok, during a particularly nasty section that included a key change during a sixteenth note run, Steve noticed someone in the crowd. Hi mother.

His fingers slipped for a moment and he hit a note he hadn't anticipated, forcing him to pull off a last second bit of jazzy improv that didn't fit in the piece at all; but no non musician would notice. Hopefully. He rushed through the rest of the piece and very quickly switched to something that he knew from memory, so he could go back to surveying the crowd.

His eyes hadn't been playing tricks on him. It was his mother, not to far off was his father, they were both looking at him and Steve quickly looked away. He pretended he was reading music, and when he glanced up again, they weren't looking at him.  _Why are they here?_ Steve really didn't think that Peggy would have invited him without giving him warning.

Going back to playing for a moment, Steve took some deep breaths. His chest seized up again for a second and he frantically looked around the room one more time.  _Thank God..._ His brother wasn't in attendance.

He weighed his options between just playing for the rest of the night and trying to avoid them, or making a mad dash for the exit with Tony. He would feel bad for leaving, but surely Peggy would understand. Steve anxiously searched through the crowd and found Tony standing with a group of his old high school friends, he seemed to fit right in. It made sense, Tony was a smooth talker and was probably actually having fun. He made eye contact with Steve and sent him a small wink. Steve blushed.

He'd been playing for nearly an hour and a half, had only stopped when people were giving speeches. His third finger was starting to ache and he was beginning to use his fourth finger instead. A good sign that he should stop playing.

It was Tony who finally made him take a small break. He walked over to Steve with a glass of wine and some baked good. Steve very gently set his cello down and gave it a sturdy ' _please don't fall over_ ' look before joining Tony.

He took the glass of wine and then his hand shook slightly as he remembered that his parents were in the room. Steve gently set the glass on a random table. Tony fixed him with a confused look. Steve's parents were staunchly against drinking, he'd been pretty sure alcohol was like a class A drug until he was 16.

Steve momentarily thought that he was going to throw up, but then got himself under control. "My parents are here." He whispered it.

Tony's face drained of color and Steve nodded. Steve hadn't talked a lot about them, but he figured that Tony had at least gathered the gist. "Are you going to be okay?" Tony reached his hand out to put it on Steve's upper arm and Steve flinched away. Tony retracted his hand with a frown.

"We should get out of here."

Peggy approached them both with an easy smile and a glass full of white wine. "Hey Steve, did I tell ya you could stop playing?" She asked sarcastically. "Just kidding, honestly you've played for long enough, you should just have fun now."

"Peggy, my parents are here."

She looked just as shocked as he was and immediately whipped her head around to try and see them. "Oh my God, Steve. I'm so sorry. Tonight's been kind of a shit show because my mom invited a bunch of people who weren't on the list. I promise you that I  _didn't_ invite them. Do you want me to see if I can get them to leave?"

"No, no, that would just cause more problems for you. I think Tony and I are going to head out though. I don't think they'd make a scene but... I just don't know."

Peggy looked upset but she nodded anyway and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry Stevie, thank you for coming, it means a lot to me. You too Tony! Just be nice to Steve, alright?"

Tony gave her a nod and then she also gave him a hug before she was called away to someone else.

"Let's get your cello packed up." Tony said and Steve nodded.

Back in the little corner where he'd been playing all night, Steve felt a little bit of tension leave his shoulders. He parents hadn't tried to seek him out since the music stopped, maybe they wouldn't try to talk to him. Hopefully they wouldn't.

He buckled his cello back into his case and folded up his stand. He was about to pick it up when Tony caught his left hand in his own. "Hey, your knuckle is red. I told you to stop playing when it got uncomfortable." Tony chided and ran his thumb over the knuckle a few time, straightening out Steve's finger and being in general 'doctor' mode.

"Sorry. I didn't even really notice it."

"Alright, but I'm carrying the cello." Tony said and then pulled Steve's hand up to press a soft kiss to his knuckle. It caused Steve to blush momentarily but he pulled his hand immediately out of Tony's grip when he heard a familiar clack of heels on the ground. He'd know that gait anywhere.

Sarah and Joseph Rogers were making their intimidating way towards them. Tony picked up the cello incredibly fast and Steve almost thought that maybe they could just make a break for it, but there was no way.

"Steven. Mrs. Carter mentioned that you'd be here." Sarah said, her shrewd voice giving Steve an immediately headache.

"Yeah, Peggy asked me if I'd play for her." Steve felt uncomfortable and anxious. He never knew how to conduct himself around his parents. Everything they said to him was meant to trip him up and fuck him up.

"Margaret has always been fond of you. Why aren't you staying at your home?" She asked and Steve wanted to scoff at the word choice. That place had never been his  _home._

"My coming here was really last minute, and, I-I'm not alone. So we got a hotel room. We actually have to get going now, very sorry." Steve was making tenuous eye contact with his mothers cheek, and completely avoiding his fathers gaze.

"You have to go? You've barely even been here. Isn't that quite rude? That's quite rude Joseph, wouldn't you say?" She looked towards his father and he nodded in a knowing way but didn't add anything. Steve would say that perhaps he was too filled with rage at the moment to even form words. He would forever be glad that this conversation was happening in public.

Steve started to come up with some sort of bullshit excuse when Tony put a reaffirming hand on Steve's lower back and interrupted him. "If I may, Steve. Pleasure to meet the both of you, I'm Anthony Stark, M.D. I'm actually a neurosurgeon in New York and I have surgery tomorrow morning. Our flight's leaving in just a few hours, so we really do have to go."

Sarah looked at Tony with a critical eye and Joseph just looked tense. She extended a hand to him and Tony shook it. "Sarah Rogers, pleasure."

"Well, mother, father, as you heard. We have to get going. I'll see you at Christmas." He decidedly wouldn't see them at Christmas.

And finally they made their escape.


	6. Before They Make Me Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -sorry this took so long!  
> -also sorry chapters have been getting a little shorter :/  
> -hope u enjoy!!! xx

Steve felt withdrawn for the next few days.

Tony was working a lot and Steve was getting back into the groove of being able to play again. They just hadn't had time to talk for a while.

"What's up? You look sad." Bucky commented while Steve flipped through the chairing audition material for the hundredth time. Auditions were in just over a month now and Steve was starting to get confident.

"No I don't. I look normal." He retorted and Bucky frowned at him.

"How are things with the good doctor?" He asked, taking a seat next to Steve on the couch and leaning over to look at his music.

"What are you? My therapist?" Steve scribbled something in the music.

"I'm doing this as a fourth finger on the d string." Bucky pointed to a high note in the music. "And no, I'm your best friend and you haven't been very talkative lately."

Steve erased the ' _2_ ' that had previously been written there. "That makes more sense for the shift, thanks Buck. And you know why I'm acting like this. I already told you about my parents."

Bucky sighed. "Do you wanna go to the studio? I'm playing second viola for Pete's viola concerto and I really need to practice." He stood up and offered a hand to Steve who took it and stood as well.

"Yeah that sounds good." He nodded and gathered his music into his messenger bag.

"Are you playing anything for the symposium?" Bucky inquired and pulled a light jacket on. It was around eight at night, but still light outside and not really all that cold.

"I don't know. Thor wants to do Concerto in A minor, but it's got a slightly nasty cello solo. It wouldn't be  _that_ hard if Thor and Valkyrie didn't accidentally double time it every time they started." Steve sighed, locking the apartment behind them.

"Oh yeah, I played that my senior year of highschool and you're totally right. If the violinists start it off too fast then they completely fuck you over."

" _Right!_ God it's so annoying."

They walked in silence for a few moments down the busy New York sidewalks.

"How do you feel about your parents knowing?" Bucky finally asked and Steve faltered for a moment in his steps but then carried on.

He didn't answer for a while, thinking things over in his head. Honestly, Bucky knew more about his situation than maybe anyone, and he'd always been very empathetic about it. "It's not really them that I'm worried about."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah. I doubt that they wouldn't tell him. I haven't seen him in years, I don't know if he's still the crazy fuck that he was." Thanos had stopped coming to family Christmas a few years ago, claiming that he was spending it with his long-time girlfriend's family.

They'd arrived at the studio and Bucky didn't seem like he knew what to say, so they just let themselves into their respective sound proof rooms and got to practicing. He wasn't able to focus for very long though and soon found himself just scrolling mindlessly though his phone instead of actually practicing.

He received a text from Tony around nine.

_I stg they need to pay me more. i_ _JUST_ _got out of surgery_

Steve took a few moments before replying.

_Oh no :( u gotta get to bed!_

He got a call from Tony just seconds later.

"Hey, you still at the clinic?" Steve asked, not bothering to keep his voice down as there was no way Bucky could hear him.

"Yeah I have some paperwork to finish up. Where are you?"

"I'm at the studio right now actually. Should be practicing."

"Oh? Do you want me to let you get back to that then?"

"No." Steve rushed out and then scolded the urgency that he'd heard in his voice. "I haven't been able to concentrate very well."

"Do you want me to swing by after I'm finished? I could walk you home, or you could come over to mine?"

"On a Wednesday? Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"When do I  _not_ have work? But I miss you."

The sentiment made Steve smile. "That sounds good. I can meet you outside in twenty?"

"Sounds good."

Steve hurried to pack his cello up and pull his coat back on. He shoved his music books into his satchel very gently and then knocked on Bucky's door to let him know he was heading out.

Out on the sidewalk it was crisp and Steve leaned against the brick wall of the studio for a moment, just reflecting. It had been just a few days since the wedding, he and Tony hadn't gotten the chance to see each other, and Steve had been more focused on rehearsal than actually unpacking what had happened.

He hoped that Tony didn't want to go out anywhere. He was wearing a nice long coat, but under that was a pair of joggers and an old tee shirt, he would be content to stay in with Tony. Maybe talk more in depth about what had happened. Steve had avoided the subject on the flight back.

He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and awkwardly juggled his cello as he tried to fish it out. The name read:  _mom._

Steve quirked his lips to the side and simply stared for a moment. Finally he decided to answer.

"Mother, a pleasure to hear from you." Steve said, honey dripping from his voice.

"Yes, of course. And how are you doing Steven?"

The conversation was just so painfully awkward. Steve felt like he was at a live table-read for a script he'd never seen before.

"Well. I've just finished rehearsing for the day."

"That's very good. I do have some unfortunate news though: it seems as if the winter here is going to be very harsh this year. I doubt you'll be able to find a flight for the holiday. I'll mail your gift to you this year." Her tone was clipped and invited no question.

What she said was absolutely ridiculous, it was only late October-- there was no way she could know what the flights would be like during Christmas, but Steve wasn't stupid, he understood what she wanted.

He noticed Tony in his periphery, walking towards him.

"That certainly is unfortunate. Perhaps luck will find us, but if it doesn't I will send your gifts as well."

Tony smiled at him and Steve smiled back. Tony motioned for them to start walking and Tony quickly took the cello from Steve's hand, carrying it himself. "My house?" Tony half-whispered and Steve nodded.

"Indeed. I have other news as well, have you heard that your brother is engaged?"

"I hadn't, no." Steve didn't want to talk about Thanos. If he had his way he would never see the man again.

"Yes, very good news of course. His fiancee will be in New York early November to buy her dress, and she conveyed interest in meeting you. I've given her your cell number."

Steve let out a long sigh. Meeting Thanos' fiancee was very far down on his list of favorable things.

"Alright then. Is there anything else I can do for you mother?"

Tony looked at him when he heard that, finally realizing who Steve was on the phone with. He gave Steve's forearm a small squeeze.

"One last thing: the wedding is set for next August, in Hawaii. I'm sure that with your busy schedule and salary you won't be able to make it. Which is unfortunate of course, but Thanos will understand."

Steve felt rage flash in his mind. He wished that his mother could just be blunt, just cut him out of the family without having to play these stupid games. He wasn't mad that he wasn't invited to Thanos' wedding, he was mad that his mother thought he was stupid enough to actually go along with what she was saying.

"Oh my," he began, and knew that the next words out of his mouth would probably irreparably ruin their relationship, if it hadn't been already. "Well perhaps  _Anthony_ would help me buy the tickets. I'm sure Thanos would be delighted to meet my partner, as you and father were."

She didn't respond for a moment and Steve was filled with elation at having made his mother at a loss for words.

"Yes. Of course. I have to go now, Steven." And then she hung up.

Steve expected himself to feel scared or anxious about the phone call, but he actually found that he suddenly felt very destressed. Like a huge weight had been lifted off of his body. He'd been kind of waiting for this day his whole life, the day his parents would basically disown him.

He'd always thought he would be sad to effectively lose his parents, but standing next to Tony he realized that he didn't really need them.

"You okay?" Tony asked and pressed a quick kiss to Steve's temple.

"Yeah I'm... Great actually." He finally said and Tony quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What was the call about?"

"Oh my parents never want to see me again. I was just passive aggressively uninvited to Christmas." He explained and Tony looked fairly concerned.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I feel great. I actually, I really want to have sex right now. I want you to fuck me." The sentence sounded strange on his tongue, and he didn't think he'd ever used the word 'fuck' in such a context.

"Uh, alright. We can definitely do that." Tony responded, obviously taken aback, but not complaining.

* * *

Steve followed Tony into his apartment, watching the man set his cello down gently and then looking over at him with a small grin. Steve latched his arms around Tony's neck shortly afterwards and pushed the man against his kitchen island.

"Feisty today?" Tony asked cheekily and Steve just kissed him.

They kissed for a long time.

It was a weird feeling rushing through his body, he'd been so worried about his parents simply finding out that he was gay. And now that they had he realized that the worst thing they could do to him was stop talking to him, and Steve never really liked talking in the first place. They had no power over him. Even if they knew that their son liked to be bloodied and used during sex, what could they do about it? It's not like they'd ever tell anyone, for fear of they themselves being judged.

So Steve pulled out of the kiss and sunk to his knees in front of Tony. Steve fumbled with his belt buckle and then the confusing buttons on Tony's expensive slacks. When he finally got them down and was faced with Tony's cock he felt no hesitation in enveloping it with his mouth.

He braced his hands on Tony's hips and pushed down as far as he could, taking as much of Tony as possible. He gagged, but loved the feeling. Tony kept his hands politely on the sides of the island, letting Steve lead it-- but Steve didn't want to lead anymore.

He reached for Tony's hand and placed it on the back of his head. He felt Tony's fingers lace through his hair and Tony got the message. He gripped Steve's hair as tightly as he could and took over the pace.

Every once in a while Tony shoved himself so deeply down Steve's throat that he was forced to gag, and the feeling of being out of control like that was elating.

Steve could feel Tony's thighs tensing up, obviously close to orgasm. He pulled Steve's head in all the way once more, Steve's nose being crushed against Tony's stomach, and then a stream of come was pouring down Steve's throat, almost bypassing his taste buds entirely. A thin dribble of it fell onto his chin as Tony pulled out and Steve licked it up.

Tony still had his hand loosely in Steve's hair and Steve looked up at him lasciviously from under his lashes.

"What's gotten into you today?" Tony asked, panting slightly and petting Steve's hair lovingly with his hand.

Steve finally stood up, but pressed himself against Tony, his hand on the kitchen island on either side of the man, blocking him in. "My whole life I've been worried about my parents finding out I'm gay. Well, now they know and the world didn't end.

Tony brushed a piece of hair out of Steve's face and took a moment to give him a small, genuine smile before giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Bedroom?" Tony asked and Steve nodded.

Steve hadn't been in Tony's bedroom since the time he'd gone into sub-space, but he simply looked on that memory of being with Tony fondly, and felt no anxiety. He mused to himself that perhaps tonight was just a fluke, and tomorrow he would go back to being scared and shy, for now though, he would enjoy their time.

"Take a seat on the bed. Take your clothes off." Tony said and then knelt by the bed to pull the box out from under it.

Steve was pulling his shirt over his head and shimmying his joggers off of his legs. He gave his cock a few perfunctory strokes to bring it to full hardness. Pre-come already beginning to leak from the tip.

Tony pulled two things out of the bag and set them on the bed next to Steve before standing up and pulling his own clothing off. His cock was still soft, but it would hopefully be hard again within the next several minutes.

Steve let himself be pushed back onto the bed by Tony and glanced over to see a plastic ring and a ball gag on the bed. Steve raised and eyebrow but Tony just smirked and reached for the lube in his bedside drawer.

Tony slicked his fingers up and put one of Steve's legs over his shoulder, giving him easy access. Steve was keening when Tony finally pressed one finger inside. Steve let out a small moan of happiness at the feeling of being filled again and so Tony made short work of opening him.

He moved quickly up to two fingers, and then three. He lingered with three fingers for a while. Tony alternated between stretching Steve until he gaped and brutally thrusting the fingers into him. Steve canted his hips down to meet every thrust.

Tony ran a hand up Steve's cock, giving it a few pumps. Steve seemed on edge, like he was close, so Tony withdrew his fingers. Steve let out a whine at the loss but was soon staring at Tony as he hooked the cock ring around Steve's cock and testicles.

Steve gave himself a tentative stroke and flexed his cock, letting out a sound of surprise at the new feeling. "Tell me if it's too much, right?" Tony asked and Steve nodded.

Tony maneuvered Steve onto his stomach, pulling the man back onto his knees, his elbows holding himself up on the bed. Tony put his hands on either of Steve's cheeks and spread his ass apart. It was glistening with lube and Tony put his head down to give a tentative lick.

Steve shivered with the feeling and pushed himself back with urgency, wanting to feel Tony's tongue inside of him. Tony got the message and pointed his tongue, beginning to slowly push into Steve's hole.

One of Tony's hands went up to Steve's back, harshly dragging his nails down it. Steve cried out at the pain, and then at the feeling of his dick pulsing but not able to orgasm.

Tony kept this up for a few moment, scratching Steve roughly and fucking him with his tongue. Steve's body felt sore from not being able to orgasm, his abs were tight and raw, and his thighs were quivering with exertion.

While Tony scratched with one hand, he used his other to stroke himself, trying to get himself fully hard again. When he was satisfied Tony pulled away, giving Steve a cruel slap to his ass before grabbing a condom. He supposed it was kind of beside the point since he'd hadn't used one for the blow job, but oh well.

Steve saw Tony's hand grab the ball gag in his periphery.

"Will you talk to me while you fuck me?" Steve asked, making sure to get it out before he wouldn't be able to talk.

"Of course, what do you want me to say?"

"Just, I don't know, what you'd usually say? Call me names?" Steve asked, his voice strained simply because he didn't really know what he was talking about.

"Mhmm." Tony responded softly, pressing a kiss to Steve's back before his hands reached around and Steve had to open his mouth to allow for the ball to be inserted. It was a very big one so his mouth hopefully wouldn't ache too badly after this. "You won't be able to safeword with this, so if you want me to stop hit the bed three times, okay?" Tony asked and Steve nodded as Tony adjusted the strap in place behind his head.

Tony didn't bother to give Steve anymore prep, just pushed himself in all at once.

He grabbed at the flesh of Steve's hips and pulled him back harshly, setting a quick and unforgiving rhythm.

"You're being very good for me tonight." Tony mused and Steve muttered around the gag. Drool dripped down his chin as he tried to speak and Steve moaned at the feeling of humiliation, not being able to control himself from drooling.

One of Tony's hands circled around Steve's throat and Steve momentarily sputtered, choking on his spit, but then swallowing it before he was in danger. Tony pressed on either side of Steve's throat and the man groaned.

His other hand stroked Steve's incredibly sensitive cock, bringing both pain and pleasure as Tony fucked into him. Steve was a mess of incomprehensible noises and moans, pushing back to meet all of Tony's thrusts.

"God you're a fucking slut." Tony mumbled, more to himself than to Steve. "I'm surprised you were able to go so many days without a hard fuck." Tony said, pressing down harder on Steve's neck as he spoke. Steve whined.

Tony pressed down on the back of Steve's head, forcing his face into the pillow for one second, two, three, ten seconds before he pulled Steve back up, the man trying desperately to regain his breathing through only his nose. It sounded harsh and labored. Tony was attentive though, he listened closely to make sure that the gag didn't need to be taken out.

He felt himself getting closer, Steve's tight hole getting him off fast, especially since it was his second orgasm.

When he did finally orgasm, Tony bit down hard on Steve's shoulder blade, hard enough to leave a sizable bruise.

Tony stayed in Steve for a moment longer, panting and releasing pressure on Steve's neck.

Finally he flipped Steve over and unbuckled the gag. Steve had to swallow several times before he could speak and their were trails of spit all over his chin and chest. Several damp spots on the pillow as well. Tony pulled the condom off and threw it away.

"Can I come please?" Steve asked almost immediately, his cock now a lovely shade of purple.

"I don't know, you don't sound that desperate." Tony said and circled a finger over the top of Steve's cock, Steve cried out, his abs flexing painfully.

"Please, Tony. I've been so good for you."

Tony only let him suffer a moment longer before rolling the band off. Steve whined the whole time, but came just moments later. Tony watched him physically deflate as he came, a satisfied look on his face.

Tony disappeared for a moment to grab a wet rag and cleaned off Steve tenderly, not wanting him to wake up sticky. "Does your jaw hurt?" Tony asked.

"Now terribly."

"We'll have to get a bigger ball then." Tony responded, his eyes dark. Steve shivered imperceptibly.

Tony climbed into bed after they were both clean, wrapping his arms around Steve's broad chest. Steve brought a hand up and tucked Tony's head over his chin, carding softly through his hair.

"Can we do a scene again sometime?" Steve asked as Tony pulled the blanket up over them. His phone wasn't plugged in but he didn't really care. He could just charge it when he got to work.

"We basically just did one."

"No, like last time. With the paddle." He reiterated and Tony sucked his lips into his mouth in thought.

"We can, of course. I don't know if the paddle is a good idea though."

"Why? I liked it." Steve said, rather petulantly as Tony ran his index finger in circles over Steve's tight stomach.

"I got carried away last time. We both did I think. You're... More into pain then I originally suspected. Something like the paddle can't bring you as much pain as you want without seriously hurting you, especially when I hit you in the back. That was just stupid of me." Tony lamented, still mad at himself about that. He knew better, he'd just been so engrossed in the moment.

"Oh." Steve said simply, and then thought for a long moment. "Hopefully I can convey what I want better to you now." He finally said as Tony yawned.

"Yeah, I'll find something perfect to torture you with."

Steve knew he was just exaggerating, but the thought of it sent warm excitement through him nonetheless.


End file.
